So, last Monday was my sister Patti’s birthday. It isn’t important how old she turned. What is important is,….that she is older than me. Gee wiz. That line never gets old! As Chris Myers from Fox Sports says,…I kid, because I love. My sister Patti is my biggest cheerleader in life. She is my mentor. She is my inspiration for trying new things in life that excite my soul, ….even if I’m not sure I’m ready to try something new. Big sisters always know when we are ready. Especially, mine.

Patti and I shared the same bedroom for the “annoying big sister – annoying little sister” years. We would get on each other’s nerves all the time. We always wished we had our own rooms. Then our older sister, Maureen, would do something that we thought was completely crazy. Patti and I would sit in our room together and be grateful neither one of us had to share a room with her. Now, some of you may know, I get teased a lot about being a neatnik. My sister Patti proudly says her daughter Megan takes after me. Well, the truth be told, I was trained by Patti. I believe she conveniently forgets this fact. Yes, my sister Patti raked our bedroom shag carpet with a wooden rake so the carpet pile would stand straight up. Then I was not allowed to walk on it. Patti didn’t like me putting footmarks on her groomed carpet. I was also admonished if I put a wrinkle on the bedspreads. Well,….. her bedspread. I would try to even out the ripples, however, she always knew it was my butt that messed up her bed. For better or worse, Patti has followed in our Mother’s footsteps. Our Mother was a neatnik until she had children. Patti was a neatnik until she had children. Fortunately for everyone, shag carpet left our lives many years ago. Although, I would have loved to see Megan drag a wooden rake into her room to groom it. I never got a picture of my sister raking the shag carpet. I most definitely would have pictures if Megan did.

Patti was always surprising my parents with unique requests. They were innocent requests, though. She would like a camping tent. A unicycle would be fabulous. Would it be okay to turn part of the basement into a darkroom? You may remember my parents are from Jersey City. When my city-raised dad went to the camping store, he came home with the biggest tent they sold. Patti set it up in the middle of the yard and it became the summer fort. If I close my eyes, I can still smell the green canvas material baking in the summer heat. It’s was an oddly, unpleasant….pleasant smell. It makes me smile to think about it now. My parents bought the unicycle, too. Our elementary school had a unicycle team. Patti was on it. Among many unicycle tricks, Patti could ride her unicycle straight across a gymnastic floor balance beam. My parents proudly threw the unicycle in the car when we went back East to visit our relatives. I’m sure our relatives thought people in the Midwest were a wee bit peculiar riding unicycles at school. I’m also certain the neighbors asked our relatives A LOT of questions after we left. The darkroom might be considered just as odd. However, Patti loved photography. There was plenty of room in the basement to set up a darkroom. So, my parents happily agreed to let Patti have a one. My parents immediately fell in love with the black and white photography Patti printed. I did, too. I eventually learned from my sister how to develop film and make prints on my own. Patti just set up another darkroom in her house a few weeks ago. Now she and her girls can develop film and print pictures. I’m so excited for my sister and her girls. Patti has wanted to do this since they moved into their house years ago. I’m excited for me, too. I know I will be invited will hang out in darkroom with my sister. It will be like old times.

A couple years ago my sister decided she would like to play the cello. Patti played the flute when she was younger. So, learning to play an instrument was not new to her. One evening we were in Patti’s car driving to watch her daughter, Jill, play the violin in the college symphony. Patti informed me then she was going to take lessons to learn to play the cello. I guess I should have been surprised by this declaration, but, I wasn’t. Patti is always trying something new. Patti has spent many hours in her living room practicing her cello. Her dog, Charlie, faithfully lays at her feet while she practices. Charlie and all of us are extremely impressed with her cello performances these days. Jill and Patti even collaborated to surprise my brother-in-law with a string duet for a Father’s Day gift. Patti hid her cello for weeks so my brother-in-law would be surprised she took up playing the cello. He was surprised on two accounts. One, that she learned to play the cello. Two, that she hid such an awkwardly big instrument from him.

For awhile, running was Patti’s passion. When I was living in Cincinnati, Patti came to visit and ran a half-marathon in the Air Force Marathon, in Dayton, Ohio. I, on the other hand, sat in the car and waited for her to finish so we could eventually go see the Air Force museum. Patti also ran in the Walt Disney World half-marathon to prepare for the New York Marathon. Our entire family went back East when she ran in that marathon. Patti ran 26.2 miles. In contrast, my Uncle George, brother Brian and I drove from my Aunt and Uncle’s house in New Jersey hours later to cheer her on as she finished the marathon. Unlike my sister, the only running I do is when I am forced to run the concourse sprint to catch my flight home. Fortunately for me, I don’t have to do this too often. Patti gave up running after she ran the New York Marathon. She eventually set her sights on hiking the Grand Canyon. For months, Patti would walk up and down the stairs in her house with a weighted backpack on. She also walked all around the neighborhood and the nearby parks with her backpack to train. Patti and her friends hiked the Grand Canyon for three days. This year she set her sights on hiking Yosemite. Unfortunately, COVID delayed those plans. So, instead, Patti painted her deck, her shutters, her front door, side-house door, patio furniture……..

It is no secret that Patti is not the best cook. We still tease her about the time she had to call the firemen one evening when she was making dinner. But, if we need an answer to a computer or phone issue, she is our go-to-gal. Patti set up our Alexa device. Patti uses her Alexa device for everything. Patti proudly tells Alexa to add items to her grocery list and it updates her grocery list on her phone. I still make a paper grocery list. Yes, I do use our Alexa device all the time. I ask Alexa to tell me pirate jokes.

I’m very fortunate Patti lives in the subdivision behind us. I don’t worry about my Mom and Brian when I am flying. Patti is just minutes away if they need her. She is there if I need her, too. She drove me to the emergency room late one night. She made me laugh for hours, even though I was very scared. She also had me laughing as she drove me to my out-patient procedures in the wee hours of the morning. Patti jokes and calls our Mom her “backup husband”. I call Patti my “backup husband”. When Ron died Patti was there immediately to console me. When I asked her if she would come with me to Warm Springs Ranch to see the Clydesdales,….something Ron and I had planned to do,…she didn’t hesitate to come. My niece, Jill, also came. We had a beautiful day. Needless to say, I will always cherish the memories we made that day.

I cannot tell you how many times Patti has moved her patient load around to be there for our family. More importantly, she has moved her patient load around to be there for her girls. I remember when the “find my friends” app first came out for phones. Patti downloaded it on my brother-in-law’s phone. Patti wanted her husband, Pat, ….yes, they are Patti and Pat…..to see how much time she spent in her car between treating patients and driving the girls everywhere. My brother-in-law never looks at the app. Patti’s daughters and all of our family all have the app. Again,….thanks to Patti. We all know the endless miles she has driven to get her girls to such places as, school, sports games, music practices, and youth church activities. Because of her endless devotion and dedication, Patti has raised the most loving, compassionate, talented daughters. They are beautiful and smart young ladies. They definitely take after my sister. Patti’s has been a mother and a mentor to her girls. Jill takes after Patti with her love of music and love of teaching. Jill is majoring in music and education. Jamie inherited Patti’s love for the camera and is majoring in electronic arts and video studies. Megan, not surprisingly, is going to become a physical therapist just like her mom.

My sister Patti may have turned another year older last week. But, her zest for life and her determination to feed her soul has remained fresh and exciting as ever. Her faith in God and positivity in life has only grown with the passing years. Patti inspires me daily. She is not only a remarkable sister. She is an exceptional human being. My big sister has taught me well. More importantly she has loved me well.

“Leadership is an action, not a position.”-Donald McGannon

Every flight has a Skytress or Skyter In-Charge. In thirty years I have flown with some of the best flight leaders. I have also had the misfortune to fly with a few flight leaders that failed to lead. They truly exemplified that leadership was only a position and not an action. The later group usually ended up on my no-fly list. Every Skytress and Skyter has one of those lists. Not surprisingly, many of us have the same names on our lists. We also have a list of flight leaders we will happily swap to fly with….even if it is an awful trip. Needless to say, I’ve learned a lot from Skytresses and Skyters on both of these lists.

I used to fly as the Skytress In-Charge a lot. There were several years where I exclusively flew in-charge….even if I didn’t want too. Yep, I would be escalated to the position. It became quite humorous to me after awhile. Now, I only dabble with flying in- charge. I do love flying in-charge and setting the mood for the trip. My mood is fun. Unfortunately, some flight leaders pack their bags full of drama and bring it with them every trip. When I tell my crew I am laid back, I mean it. I’m a very hard worker. But, I love to have fun with my crew and fellow airline family. I love a drama free trip. I love to keep everyone….crew and passengers happy. Stress is bad for everyone. Oh how I desperately wish some Skytresses and Skyters In-Charge that I’ve flown with in the past, believed this, too.

I loved flying with Ron when he was the Skyter In-Charge. He was more laid back than me. Ron used to work the ramp and was also a ramp supervisor. He was a gate agent and an agent supervisor. He also worked in numerous other capacities at our airline. Ron knew what each job entailed. He used this knowledge to his advantage and wouldn’t get worked up about most things. He knew jobs always got done on time….without everyone madly spinning on their heels. I would laugh when an agent would come on the plane at mach-10. Many times, they would hastily assume someone else, besides Ron, was in-charge. Between flights, Ron would usually sit in the aisle seat in the first row of the main cabin. Ron liked sitting there so he could comfortably stretch his long legs. The overly-eager agents always seemed irritated they had to walk to the main cabin to brief with Ron. I knew Ron loved making them do this. He would slowly nod as the agents breathlessly rushed through their briefing. The agents, most time, would wrongly assume Ron was going to quickly jump up and be as eager to board the airplane as they were. Instead, each time, Ron would stand up slowly. He would tug at his pants that always hugged his muscular thighs. He would tighten, then straighten his tie,…without saying a word. This slow, methodical- primping action would disarm the agents. The agents would have to stand there and wait. Ron’s size was intimidating to many gate agents. He was usually a foot taller than most people….and he had big muscles. I know Ron was aware of this and used it to his advantage. Ron had this standard routine. He would look at the agents without saying anything. He would move closer to them. Then he would then gently place his hands on their shoulders. At this point, most gate agents were usually unsure of what he was going to do next. Then in a slow calming voice Ron would say to them….”Everything is going to be okay”. He would bewilder the agents with his calmness. It was incredibly funny to watch. We would always laugh as the slightly confused agents headed back up the jetway. Ron would act accordingly when an agitated passenger would board ready to verbally do battle with someone. Ron would stop them in their tracks by silently standing there. He would let the person rant. Then he would curiously look at them for a long silent pause. Just as he did with agents, Ron would tell them….”Everything is going to be okay”. Sometimes he would chuckle at the absurdity of the passenger’s rant. He would use his clever humor to disarm them. On more than one occasion I would see these disgruntled passengers realize they were not going to get the best of Ron. Again his size would intimidate them. I witnessed many passengers trying to save face with Ron later in the flight. They would try to win him over by asking him what position or football team he played for in college. Ron would say he gave up football in high school to play drums. Again he would leave them speechless. A speechless passenger always made me smile…. especially the ones with a chip on their shoulders.

I fly with so many fabulous Skytress and Skyters In-Charge, I could write novels about them. But, I know everyone is waiting to hear some stories about the Skytresses and Skyters In-Charge that are not leaders in action. So, I won’t disappoint you. They are notorious for a reason. Like the Skyter-in charge that we deemed the load- hopper. He wanted to be wherever the passengers weren’t. He thought he was clever in how he hopped from one cabin to the next. Well, he wasn’t too clever. We all saw what he was doing and decided we wouldn’t fly with him again. Then we had the Skytress In-Charge that wouldn’t let anyone touch anything in HER galley. Which was hard because HER galley was also OUR galley. She would berate anyone that left a cup or can on HER counter as they were breaking down their beverage carts. She would question why we’re opening up carts and carriers after the service. Our replies were always the same….a passenger had asked for something. She would always give us a displeased look. I know people swap off her trips all the time. No one wants to deal with that craziness for three days. I also flew with a gal that came into briefing and immediately looked at me and another Skytress about my seniority. Without saying hello to anyone she asked us when we two were going to retire. I was 50 at the time. The male Skyter audibly gasped. Under his breath he said, “Wow.” She told us she didn’t want to be in-charge. The Skyter on our trip said he would gladly switch positions with her. She declined saying she didn’t want to fly in-charge, but, she wanted the Skytress In-Charge money. Then she complained and didn’t do any work for three days. When we pointed it out to her she said she didn’t care…..she hated people and the job. The Skyter said if he wasn’t transferring bases after our trip, he would definitely put her on his no-fly list. I’m sure she has landed on a few Skytresses and Skyter’s no-fly lists.

There must be something about crew briefings that bring the worst out in some Skytresses In-Charge. I was in the briefing room having a fabulous time talking with my fellow Skyter. The Skytress In-Charge came in and the first thing out of her mouth was ….she hoped she didn’t have to write anyone up on the trip. The Skyter and I gave each other a good eye-roll. She didn’t see it because she refused to look at us. The rest of the trip she wanted to throw passengers off the plane. She was waiting for someone to give her a reason to do so. The first leg of our trip the Skyter I was flying with found a book in the overhead bin. It was a survival book. He joked saying maybe we should read it. I should have kept it. I, unfortunately, ended up flying with this gal again. Simply because I forgot her name. When she came into briefing my heart sank. I braced myself for another awful three days of flying. She did not disappoint me. She didn’t say hello to one passenger for three days. Heck, she barely spoke to the crew. She did get a departure delay charged to her because she made catering come back to the plane. She insisted catering didn’t board the first-class meals. Of course, she didn’t checked all the ovens. She was adamant that catering never puts meals in “those” ovens. We all told her we always check ALL the ovens when we fly in-charge. Everyone knows catering puts meals in different ovens all the time. She didn’t appreciate us pointing out the obvious to her. She didn’t talk to us the rest of the flight. The only time she was really happy was when we flew with a pilot I used to date. He briefed her, saying if she wasn’t happy with someone on board, he would support her in having them removed from the plane. When he said this, I finally saw her smile for the first time…ever. Later,when he and I went out on our layover, he told me he knew from her overly-delightful reaction, he had said the wrong thing in his briefing. I told him he most definitely had. I then briefed him on my horrible flying experiences with her. I explained to him how I had forgotten her name after flying with her the first time. I promised him I would definitely remember her name after the second trip. And I have.

The last Skytress In-Charge I flew with that was…as Ron would say, …awful, awful, awful,….I flew with two times, as well. I remembered her name from the first trip and swore I would never fly with her again. Unfortunately, the second time she swapped onto my trip as I was commuting into Atlanta. It was extremely miserable flying the first trip with her. The list of incredibly ugly things she said and did is too long to recap. I will highlight one awful situation from the first trip, though. We were in the middle of boarding a flight when she completely lost her mind. She screamed at the gate agent in full view of passengers in the jetway. She was enraged the agent had not previously started checking bags. She shouted she had sent her a message. The agent tried to explain to the Skytress the computers were down they weren’t receiving messages. The Skytress didn’t care….she kept hollering at the agent that she sent the message. Of course, later, the Skytress told the other two on our crew a completely different story. When she wasn’t around they asked me what really happened. They didn’t believe her side of the story. Unfortunately, we flew into this city several times on our trip. The poor agent must have died inside every time she opened the airplane door and saw her. I felt sorry for the agent. The agent told me later she prayed for our crew. She knew she only had to deal with the Skytress In-Charge for a few minutes. We had to deal with her for days. The second trip the Skytress In-Charge was just as mean. She made the other Skytress on my crew cry. She was so happy she made her cry, too. The Captain and I watched in disbelief as the one Skytress ultimately broke down and the Skytress In-Charge proudly relished the reaction. The Captain could tell the Skytress In-Charge was a bully. He desperately tried to mend the situation before we changed planes. After we changed planes, he came to the back of the plane to have a second peace conference with the crew. The Skytress In-Charge sat with a smirk on her face the whole time. The Captain could tell his words were falling on deaf ears. But, the other Skytress said she would be fine the rest of the trip and he believed her. Later she told me she was mad at herself for giving the Skytress In-Charge the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Fortunately, rarely do we fly with these types of flight leaders. If you see Skytresses and Skyters crying on the plane, they are usually tears of laughter. As we always tell each other when we fly with sub-par flight leaders, this job is too easy, to make it so hard.

Skytresses and Skyters are known to smile and laugh…a lot. It helps to be a happy person if you do this job. Passengers like happy crew members. But, let’s be real. We fly long hours and deal with a plethora of different passenger personalities. A few crabby passengers can turn your day in an instant. Sometimes we Skytresses and Skyters need to create our own fun to get through a trip.

One game we like to play is the Manifest Game. Typically, the gate agent will give the crew the pre-departure paper work before the passengers board the airplane. On this paperwork are the names of each first-class passenger. To play the Manifest Game each person on the crew will look over the manifest. Then each crew member will pick a name of the first-class passenger they think will board the airplane first. The only information we go by are the passenger’s last name, their airline status, and possibly a connection city. Of course, I pick my name like I pick my horse to win the Kentucky Derby. It’s all in the name that “speaks” to me. Yes, it’s a silly, simple game we play. But, when your passenger boards first… it’s a glorious feeling. There is another Manifest Game we play as well. The crew will look over the first-class passenger’s names before we board. Then we pick the name of the person we want to be our “flight boyfriend”. Oh the smiles we give each other when our flight boyfriends arrive. Every once in awhile you get a great flight boyfriend. Mostly we don’t. And the worse your flight boyfriend is….the better for the rest of the crew. The person who gets the “Dud -flight boyfriend” is subjected to innocent teasing from the crew for the rest of the flight. You may remember I have picked very few Kentucky Derby horse winners based on names alone. The same can be said about my flight boyfriends. Yes, I usually pick the “Dud- flight boyfriend”. Oh well, I still love the game.

One Christmas my crew and I created what we thought would be a fabulous game. Each of us Skytresses wore a Christmas bell around our necks. If you saw a cute passenger on the flight you were to jingle your bell. This way the other Skytresses would know you spied someone special. Now years ago, we flew with the same crew all month. So, two weeks before Christmas we started playing this game. For two weeks we didn’t give one jingle. We all laughed about it. Where were all the cute passengers? We thought this was going to be the perfect holiday game. My Skytress friends and I flew one more trip after Christmas. I didn’t bring our Christmas bells for this trip. Christmas was over for us. We had moved on. On one of our first flights after Christmas, I was working the beverage cart with my friend Jennie Lou. As, I was pouring a drink Jennie Lou starting saying, “Jingle, Jingle”. I wasn’t sure what she was doing. So I looked right at her. Again she said, “Jingle, Jingle”. This time she gave me the look. I followed her eyes. There in the row she was serving was a very cute passenger. I looked back at Jennie Lou. I smiled and said a very happy, “Jingle, Jingle” back to her. The passengers looked at us. They had no idea what we were doing. But, they smiled because we were smiling and giggling. For the rest of the trip we “Jingled”. It was a post- Christmas miracle. Cute guys were everywhere!

One of our best Skyters loves to have fun on his trips. Skyters and Skytresses love flying with him. Skyter Steve travels with a fart machine. He flies in-charge most of his trips. Steve likes to stand at the boarding door and keep his fart machine close by in the cockpit. When an unsuspecting passenger steps into the plane he will press the button. Then Steve will either make a face, or a comment. The unsuspecting passengers have multiple reactions. Mostly, they have a hearty laugh. One day the first officer saw what Steve was doing. So, he stood next to Steve at the boarding door. The two worked in tandem. They were extremely good at embarrassing the unsuspecting person. I eventually had to leave the galley and the boarding door. I couldn’t stop laughing. Even when I was in the aisle I could hear the fart machine going off. I kept giggling. The first-class passengers started giggling, too. They were now privy to what Steve and the first officer were doing. Steve pressed the fart machine button for three days. Not surprisingly, the crew laughed for three days, too. I’ve flown with Steve numerous times. He doesn’t always bring out his fart machine. But, if the crew is dragging, he will bring it out. It is an instant crew mood changer.

For years, we used to cut our own lemons and limes for the passenger’s drinks. After 9-11, the the galley knives were removed for security purposes. However, prior to 9-11, catering would usually board more lemons and limes than we needed. Because of this,…a crew game was eventually created. A Skytress or Skyter would sit on the aft jumpseat with the extra fruit. When the plane would land and the thrust reverser would be activated by the pilots, the person on the aft jumpseat would let the lemons and limes go. The object of the game was to see how far the fruit would go down the aisle. The reactions of the passengers when they saw the fruit flying down the aisle was priceless. I know the passengers thought it was a just an unassuming piece of fruit that must have dislodged from somewhere in the aft galley. Little did they know we were playing a game. One day my friend Kelly was on the aft jumpseat. She let a lime go down the aisle as soon as we touched down. Passengers watched it wiz by. I was cheering the lime on. I could tell it was going to make it to first class. The lime picked up speed as it made it’s way down the aisle. Amazingly, it made it all the way to the cockpit door. Surprisingly, it hit the bottom panel of the cockpit door and popped the panel out. Remember, this was before 9-11. The cockpit doors we not re-enforced like they are now. The pilots didn’t know how the panel got popped out. The pilots had to call a mechanic to fix the panel. Kelly told the mechanic she wasn’t sure what happened. She explain a lime got loose and flew down the aisle and knocked the door panel out. The pilots and mechanic didn’t bat an eye. It was a very logical explanation. We were lucky. The crew all swore we would never play this game ever again. We sure stopped with a winning lime toss, though.

My friend Tulio asked our crew one day if we would like to play a game. There was a weather delay and the agents were holding off boarding. Tulio asked us if we had ever played Ellen Degeneres’ game “Heads Up”. None of us had ever played the game. Tulio explained someone would hold his phone up to their head. Words would appear on the phone. We were to give clues so the person holding the phone could guess the word. If the person holding the phone against their forehead guessed the word, or wanted to pass on the word, they would tip the phone. A new word would appear. The person holding the phone had a minute to guess all the words. Simple enough. So we started to play the game. Because the game is an Ellen Degeneres game, a lot of the words have references to actors, TV shows and movies. Tulio is from Buenos Aires. He didn’t grow up with American TV. We doubled over laughing trying to give him clues. We were hooked. We played the game again after we got in the air and our beverage service was done. We were in the aft galley of the 757 having a great time. Tulio was standing in front of the lavatory when a passenger came out. They surprised each other. In true Tulio form, Tulio told the woman we were playing the game “Heads Up”. He immediately asked her if she would like to play. She did. She was extremely fast guessing the words based on Tulio’s clues. When it was her time to give Tulio the clues, she kept giving clues with references to American TV. We couldn’t stop laughing. We explained Tulio was from Buenos Aires….he didn’t understand the clues. She started to laugh, too. She played a few rounds of the game. As she was heading back to her seat, she looked at all of us. She said she finally knew what the crews do in the galleys after they finish their service. Of course, this made us laugh more. A few months later Tulio and I laughed about the passenger playing the game with us. At the time, Tulio and I were playing another game….”See how many winter coats and garment bags you can fit in the first-class coat closet”. I’m sure we fit in more than the FAA would have liked. But, we were having a great time laughing and playing the game. The trick to the game….if you should ever want to play is,….a little more hip action and a very strong arm push into the door. You’ll be amazed at all the items you’ll fit in ….and still be able to get closest door closed.

My friend Brian and I were flying a three-day trip together. There were three of us on our crew. We had never flown with our Skyter-in charge before. Our Skyter-in charge was born to fly international trips. Unfortunately, this day, he was flying a domestic trip with Brian and me. Now most Skyters and Skytresses stay pretty close to the written, recommended PA’s. There may be a slight variation in the PA’s based on when you were hired. The newer the crew member…the more they stick to the newly published PA’s. Usually the crew is cognizant of what is being said, but, rarely do we listen too closely to the PA’s. However, every once in awhile, something comes over the PA that makes you stop, listen, and give your fellow crew member a wide-eye look of, “What did they say?” As Brian and I were heading up the aisle, our Skyter-in charge was babbling along. Our domestic flight was barely full. However, our Skyter- in charge was treating it like a full flight to Paris. He told the passengers, “your crew is fluent in German, French and English”. However, the way he said it, sounded more to us like, “Brian and Eileen can only speak English. I, on the other hand, have taken time to educate myself in several languages. So if you do not understand the domestic flight attendants, please call upon me.” His over-kill PA sounded so absurd that Brian and I broke out in laughter. After the service, our Skyter- in charge came back to talk to us. He only humored us more. During our conversation he told us he wasn’t going to marry an American gal. He wanted to marry an international woman. He went on to explain that unlike American women…… international women are more worldly and usually are fluent in several languages. Brian and I laughed about this….of course, after he walked away. He was quite the interesting fellow….in a very odd way. Then as we were all settled in to land,….over the PA we heard a very garbled, unexpected,….”Flight Attendants,….landing gear down. Two minutes to landing.” This is not normal protocol. Brian quickly looked back at me on my jumpseat. He was as confused as I was. “What about the landing gear?”. Our Skyter seemed pretty calm about it. I listened and waited for something to happen. Fortunately, we landed with no incident. When we got to the gate, Brian and I finally pieced together what he had said. The rest of the trip whenever the landing gear came down, the Skyter would say, “Flight Attendants..landing gear down. Two minutes to landing.” It was so darn peculiar to hear…it became quite funny to us. Brian and I would say it to each other numerous times throughout our flights. We cracked up each time we said it. To this day, when Brian and I see each other, we say, “Flight attendants….landing gear down. Two minutes to landing.” It’s now one of our special sayings. And yes, in case you are wondering, ….when the landing gear does come down,….it is about two minutes until you land. Of course, Brian and I had to time it.

Okay. Here’s a quick PA story for you. We were about to land in Kansas City. Our pilots gave the double- ding, indicating our final descent. Our Skytress-in charge picked up the phone to make the final descent PA. Once I heard the double- ding, I started to hand out the first-class coats. As I was handing the gentleman on the aisle his coat, over the PA I heard…..”We will be landing in Kansas Sh*tty momentarily.” I, of course, started to giggle. I looked at the gentleman and asked him, “Did she just say what I think she said?” He laughed, and said “yes. Then he smiled and said, “Some days it REALLY is.”

One of my favorite times on the airplane is when we are about to push back from the gate. The plane is relatively quiet. Passengers have finally settled into their seats. Usually, they are waiting for the safety demo to finish so they can watch their movies, play their games, or take a nap. However, before the safety demonstration starts, the Skytress or Skyter- in charge will welcome the passengers aboard our flight. One particular day our Skyter-in charge did just this…with a twist. Our Skyter-in charge welcomed everyone aboard our flight. Flight 2319. He then went rogue with his PA. He asked the passengers what movie 2319 was in. He got more specific….Code 2319. There was a pause. He raised the stakes. He said if anyone knew the answer he would give them a free cocktail. Everyone was looking around to see if someone knew the answer. I was looking around, too. My movie trivia knowledge is scant to say the least. I wanted to know the answer. Unfortunately, no one knew Code 2319. So after a long pause, and a wee bit of questioning on all our part….the Skyter told us the answer. He happily said 2319 is the contamination code in Monsters, Inc. It is when the white sock gets stuck on George the Monster. We all laughed. I had watched Monsters, Inc. years before. Sadly, I didn’t remember Code 2319. Later I told my Skyter- in charge this. My Skyter said he had a knack for remembering odd details about a lot of things…especially in movies. I may not have been aware of Code 2319 in Monsters, Inc. before, … but, now I can’t wait for it in the movie. I laugh when I see it. I think of flight 2319. Without a doubt, I smile and think of my Skyter-in charge, too.

In the summer we make a PA announcement for the passengers to lower their window shades after we have landed. Having the shades lowered keeps the airplane cool while passengers deplane. It also keeps the plane cool for the next set of passengers that are going to board. One summer day I was flying with one of my favorite Skyters, Skip. Skip was our Skyter- in charge. As we were taxing to the gate, I could tell Skip was about to make the window shade PA. However, I wasn’t prepared for the funny PA he made. Skip said our airline,…unlike our competitors,….always has full flights. He teasingly said we don’t like to rub it in to the other airlines though. So, in order to keep the other airlines from feeling bad, he asked the passengers to lower their window shades. This way, ….as we pass the competitors less-full airplanes,…they won’t feel so sad. I loved this PA. I told Skip I wanted to incorporate this into my warm weather PA. I realized though, I would never be able to pull it off like he did. It was definitely a -one -of-a-kind, Skip PA

My favorite PA blunder is s story my friend David told me when we were flying one day in Cincinnati. He said he was the Skyter-in charge. It was an early morning flight. During the boarding process, the Skytress from the back came up to first class. She said she came up for some clean air. Someone in the back was using the lavatory and it wasn’t too pleasant back there. After a few minutes she decided she better go back to the aft cabin. Several minutes later the boarding process was completed. David said the gate agent then came down and used the phone to make a PA to page for a passenger. The passenger was being up-graded to first class. No sooner had the agent paged for the passenger, the Skytress in the back of the plane called David up front. She wanted to let David know this was the man that had been using the lavatory earlier. David picked up the phone as soon as he heard the call chime. The Skytress in the back of the plane could see David pick up the phone. Before David could say hello, the Skytress said to David, “Poopie Man coming up the aisle. Poopie Man coming up the aisle”. David said she kept saying it. Now any Skytress or Skyter that has ever flown on the MD-88, knows the phone didn’t always recycle after a PA was made. Sometimes the PA button would get stuck after the phone had been hung up. In order to get the PA unstuck, the phone needed to be hung back up again to recycle it. Unfortunately, the Skytress in the back didn’t realize the PA button was stuck when she called David. Everyone on the plane heard “Poopie Man coming up the aisle”, ..repeatedly. David said the passengers in first class that never listen to PA’s lowered their newspapers and looked for the man coming up the aisle. David was standing next to the cockpit. He said the pilots turned around in the cockpit to look down the aisle. The Captain laughed and asked David in disbelief, “What IS she saying?” David prayed she would stop. She didn’t. “Poopie man coming up the aisle.” kept coming over the PA. David said the man was looking him straight in the eye. The only thing in David’s favor was the voice coming over the PA was female. Eventually, the Skytress realized she was coming over the PA. She got extremely embarrassed. She was so embarrassed she wouldn’t step foot in first class the rest of the flight. David said she didn’t step foot in first class the rest of the day. Now I learned a long time ago from our pilots never to say anything about the pilots on the airplane phone to another crew member. The pilots usually have a hot mic in case of an emergency. With an open line they know immediately what is going on in the back of the plane. Needless to say, I learned from this PA incident, … if you want to say something on the phone you definitely don’t want the passengers to hear….make sure the PA button is not stuck.