I distinctly remember the day I was riding in the car with my Mom and I decided to give up talking. We were living in Pittsburgh at the time. I remember I told my Mom a story. She never responded. I noticed this wasn’t the first time she did this. I remember thinking, “Why am I speaking if no one cares?” It was right then I decided to stop speaking. No one noticed for weeks. Heck, they didn’t notice for months. Then gain, maybe my family was just grateful for the silence. Maybe they didn’t want to say anything and ruin a good thing. It’s been a little over a year since I went back flying. And what a year it has been. I’ve flown with spectacular crews. I’ve had a couple phenomenal layovers. Mostly though, it’s been a year of no sleep. The number of mentally draining days on and off the airplane are too numerous to count. I’m plumb tuckered out. For weeks I’ve been counting the days until my vacation. What can I say? Well, I don’t have much to say these days. Yessiree, these days I am speechless simply because I am utterly exhausted.

I’m not noting to lie. This summer was a looonnnggg summer of flying. I know now I didn’t appreciate the summer of 2020. Staying at home watching the Hallmark Channel and the Cowboy Channel were the most taxing things I did. It was heavenly! The longest I had to wear my face mask was as long as it took me to circumnavigate the grocery store. We all know the store shelves were lacking a lot of products last summer. Thus, I didn’t have to wear my mask too long before I paid for my groceries and headed back to my car. Who knew I’d refer to those days as “the good ol’days”? I know we all have grown tired of wearing our face masks. I’m definitely tired of wearing my face mask. Some days I can have it on close to 20 continuous hours. I’m tired of not being able to see people’s smiles. I’m tired of not hearing people. I’m tired of not being heard. The masks have taken their toll on me. I’ve grown weary of trying to talk through them. I can honestly say for my sanity’s sake these past few weeks I’ve given up trying to talk through my mask all together. Yessiree….It’s happened folks. The face masks have rendered me speechless.

As you know, I am a commuter. So, I spend a lot of time in our crew lounge. The lounge is usually filled with Skytresses and Skyters. Incredibly, many days I don’t know anyone in the lounge. I spend hours sitting by myself. I blog. I look at Pinterest. I check out social media. I read. I spend countless hours just looking out the window watching the ramp personnel move luggage carts, move tugs, and marshal in airplanes. I watch pilots do their walk-arounds and wonder where they are about to take off to. I’m speechless the whole time. These days I start my three-day trips on Tuesdays. Some days I run into my Tuesday friends…..my friends that also fly on Tuesday. These are the days I talk and laugh. I’m not speechless on these days by far. Sadly, the days of seeing my Tuesday friends are few and far between. This fact is starting to weigh heavily on me. I’m very cognizant of the many hours I sit in the lounge speechless.

This past year we have lost several Skytresses and Skyters. Sadly several have committed suicide. Several have succumbed to COVID-19. One Skytress tragically died in a plane crash with her daughter while on vacation in Alaska. Remember my 30-hour trip to Little Rock in June? I was thrilled I’d be flying again with Shonda, my Skytress In-Charge. Shonda and I flew together several years ago when our airline computer system went caput. It was, as Ron would say…awful, awful, awful. However, Shonda and I laughed for three days. We laughed even more on our Little Rock trip in June. Less than four week later, on July, 12th, Shonda passed away in her sleep. She was 47. The shock of Shonda’s untimely death has left me speechless.

We all know September 11th was the 20th Anniversary of 9-11. Most people think about this day as the anniversary approaches each year. Skytresses and Skyters think about this day all year long. Especially, those of us that were working for an airline in 2001. This year the gravity of the anniversary seemed more heavy. How could it be 20 years….yet, still feel like yesterday? Skytresses and Skyters I know dread September 11th. As the anniversary was approaching this year, I wanted to talk less about the day. Instead I prayed more. I was grateful this year I wasn’t flying. Not because I was scared. No, I was just sad. I wanted to spend the day outside away from the television. I knew it would be much better for my soul. Later in the evening I did watch a documentary on the crews and passengers that perished that September day. I learned more about the crews, passengers and air traffic controllers from the documentary than I had previously known. I went to bed with a heavy heart. The next day I watched videos of sports teams and marching bands honoring those who died on September 11th. The love they all took to honor the departed and uplift the souls of the living was remarkable. I was proud to be an American. The feelings I had swirling through my heart and soul cannot be described. I simply know God gifted me with these indescribable glorious feelings. Yes. Some things we can’t explain. We just need to feel them.

I mentioned this year has been a year of no sleep. I calculated the sleep I’ve been averaging the past few weeks. In 96 hours….a four day period…..I slept about 12 hours. Five of those hours occurred one day. That’s the day I came in from my trip. Thursday evening until Friday morning I slept five hours. The remaining 7 hours of sleep I spread over the other 3 days. Wow…that’s a lot of math. Skytresses hate math. Well, at least this Skytress does! Incredibly, this has been my typical sleep pattern for months. I know this lack of sleep isn’t ideal or healthy. As a matter of fact, my body has been slowly shutting down. The past few weeks I’ve been feverish when I came home. One week after I walked into the house my body ached so much I didn’t have the energy to speak to anyone. I was up most of the night tossing and turning from the pain. I didn’t tell anyone. Instead I awoke the next day and I started completing my “to do” list. Have I ever mentioned that Skytresses hate “to do” lists? Well, at least this Skytress does! Yessiree. I loathe a “to do” list. When I see all the things I have to do on my “to do” list, I’m at a loss for words. Well, there is one word I can think of….but, it’s not very nice.

I wasn’t going to mention that I am on vacation. But, the cat is out of the bag. Yessiree. My Mom already knows I’m on vacation. Oh, boy! I know my family and closest friends are chuckling reading this. You see, without fail, whenever I have vacation my Mom either gets sick or ends up in the hospital. It’s uncanny. I’ve actually tried going on vacation a few times. Yep. I am the eternal optimist! Amazingly, I’ve had to return home early each time. This vacation I’m quietly going about my day tackling my “to do” list. Yep, the dreaded list. I’ve re-caulked the bathroom. Replaced the mini blinds in the garage. I repaired the concrete on the garage floor. I have battled the mole in the yard. Here’s hoping the Juicy Fruit gum trick works! I even replaced the doorbell button on the front of the house. Okay, I called it the “doorbell dinger” when I asked the gentleman at the hardware store where I could locate one. Fortunately, he understood what I was trying to say. Guess he is used to customers like me. Ron always told me “YouTube” has a video on how to fix everything. So, I watched and learned how to replace a doorbell dinger. And I did it…much to my Mom’s chagrin. She actually told me she would laugh when I shocked myself. I guess I shocked her instead. Oh, I crack myself up!

Oh, how I wish I had more things to laugh about these days. I admit. Things haven’t been very funny these past few months. I’m overly exhausted. Both in my body and soul. I think the young boy in the movie, “Sling Blade” best describes how I have been feeling lately. Frank says, “I’m too young to feel this old”. This line has resonated with me for awhile now. You see, I’m weary of cleaning up after everyone. I used to love cooking. Now it’s become a drudgery. I’m tired of politics and the animosity it has bread. I’m tired of all the negativity surrounding me. I know without a doubt, it’s slowly smothering me. I’m tired of rudeness. I’m tired of being spoken to harshly. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter. The past few months my creativity has been stifled. I look at Pinterest and nothing inspires me. Collectively, all these things have caused me to regressed in my words and in my actions. As you can see, none of this is funny.

Thankfully, I do have a plan to get my Super Skytress mojo back. I call it my “Super Skytress Vacation Plan.” It’s very catchy, isn’t it? Yessiree. I’m trying my hardest this vacation to catch up on my “to do” list so I won’t feel overwhelmed like I have been. I’m trying to get back to eating healthy again. Good bye sugar, my old friend. I’ll see you only on Saturday….my cheat day. I’m trying to rediscover my creativity again. I’ve started with nature by planting fall containers. I can tell the soil is already grounding me. I’ve vowed not to walk past my art room. Instead, I will walk in and see where the right side of my brain takes me. I heard the call of an Almond Joy Cake to bake it. It was Saturday. So I baked it. Ron loved Almond Joys. It was an earthly-heavenly connection I need to fuel my soul. And it did. I can already tell extra slumber is regenerating my energy. Mostly, though, I hope my vacation will bring back my words. I am feverishly trying not to be speechless. I want to write about the fun side of life again. I promise. I WILL write about the fun side of life again. Yessiree. It is my deepest desire through my words to leave you speechless. For all the glorious reason.