Today marks 35 years of me being a Skytress. My, oh, my! I can’t even wrap my head around this statement. I clearly remember the day I walked into the In-Flight Training Center in Atlanta. Clearly I remember a thousand Skytress memories since that day. However, I cannot fathom 35 years have passed. Time has gone faster than a flight from Atlanta to Birmingham. Most days I still feel like that brand new Skytress. At least until a new hire tells me they were born years after I started my Skytress career and my delusional bubble is burst. I’ll admit. There are a few days my Skytress body feels every one of those 35 years. Yessiree. Some days the aircraft door handle becomes a substitute assist handle for me as I go to arm and disarm the aircraft door. Still, today, I approach each trip like I did 35 years ago….with wonder. I wonder how the crew will jell. I wonder how the layover will be. Will we be on time? Or will we be pawns in Crew Reroute’s diabolical plans? I wonder what new thing someone will do that I haven’t seen in my 35 years of being a Skytress. Mostly, I wonder how many times I can say, “It’s occupied” without completely losing my Skytress mind. Egads! There has to be a finite number.

I’ve always said I calculate things using Skytress math. That is how I can be 33-years old even though I have been flying for 35 years. The past few days I have sat down and calculated a few things using Skytress math. I have calculated I have said, “It’s occupied” 74 trillion times in my career, thus far. Interestingly, the statements, “That’s the ashtray, not the door knob” and “push the door” or “turn the handle” has been uttered by me collectively, 157 trillion times. I’ll admit. Those numbers could be much higher. Yessiree. Many days instead of saying anything, I merely watch people struggle trying to get into the lavatory. What can I say? It’s my in-flight entertainment.

In recent years our airline sends out statistics of how many miles we have flown annually. They include how many different types of aircraft we have flown on and how many countries we have been to in the calendar year. However, it doesn’t take in account how many miles I have flown commuting. It, also, doesn’t include any information about miles flown prior to this program being implemented. So, I took it upon myself to do the calculations for my 35 years of flying. I’m sure the numbers will astound you just like they did me. I have flown 124 times to Pluto and back. Give or take a trip to Pluto. However, I still haven’t flown as much as the gentleman in 3A has on any given flight. I base this strictly on his word. Yessiree. They are quite emphatic about flying more than me. However, these passengers have never had to straddle a first-class passenger in the bulkhead seat on the Boeing 727 whilst trying to slide their tray table in the slots on the armrest. Thus, all their frequent flyer miles are null and void. Sorry Mr. 3A.

Sadly, a few things have come and gone in these 35 years. We no longer serve peanuts. Or if you are a true Southerner….goobers. We no longer serve Dr. Pepper. Or if you are a true Southerner…Coke. We no longer serve Caffeine Free Diet Coke, Cherry Coke or Fresca. Or if you are a true Southerner….Coke, Coke and Coke. We no longer have magazines or newspapers on the airplane. We used to have the best selection of both. I’ll admit. Skytresses and Skyters were known to check out a magazine on one airplane and return it several legs later on another plane. No one checked out “Popular Mechanics”. No siree. That never happened. Well, at least I can’t verify it ever happened. We even used to have Bibles on the airplanes. I think we should bring the Bibles back. There are a few people I would nonchalantly hand it to as I handed them their drink. You know, just as a friendly reminder that they are not actually God. Wink. Wink.

I do not miss the days when coach passengers had to pay for their cocktails using cash. I do not miss making change for a twenty or a hundred dollar bill. I do not miss counting the liquor money and doing Skytress math to fill out the liquor report. I do miss going on the scavenger hunt for the deposit box in every operations office on a layover. It was like going into the belly of the beast. The forbidden beast. Well, the forbidden beast unless you had the liquor envelope full of money. Then all were welcomed.

I do miss my original Skytress uniform. It was navy and it was sharp looking. I’ve worn four different uniforms in 35 years. In addition, I’ve worn the company approved black and white uniform pieces when I experienced issues wearing the purple uniform. Interestingly, we can no longer purchase the purple uniform pieces. We can only purchase gray uniform pieces. Thus, I guess one can technically say I have had six uniforms in my 35 years. Ah, yes. Skytress math! I’m pretty confident that number will rise one more uniform before I retire.

One thing that hasn’t changed in all my years of flying has been the marvelous people I work with on a daily basis. Many of these people have become dear friends. We have witnessed the best in people, the worst in people and the craziest in people. We have laughed together, cried together and rolled our eyes in disbelief together. Thankfully, the laughter had been disproportionately greater than anything else. God has truly blessed me. I’m not sure how many more years The Rerouted Skytress will be flying. I do know 35 years crept up on me really fast. I have no doubt retirement will be here quicker than a flight from Atlanta to Augusta. Until that day, I will continue to approach each trip with wonder. I’ll, also, relish the in-flight entertainment of watching passengers struggle with the lavatories. Fingers crossed I won’t reach that finite number of me saying “It’s occupied” either. Although, the circumstances of me completely losing my Skytress mind would really make a great story.