The Rerouted Skytress

One summer night my friends and I went to the Riverbend Music Center in Cincinnati. The music pavilion sits along the banks of the Ohio River. We went to see James Taylor perform. James Taylor is one of my favorite performers. At intermission my friends and I were talking about how wonderful the show was. I said to my friends I wished James Taylor was my neighbor. They laughed. I said it would be incredible to have James Taylor living next door. He would play his guitar and sing outside on his patio while I was outside on my patio. He’d ask if I had any requests and I would ask him to play “Carolina In My Mind” and “Your Smiling Face”. Then I’d let him sing whatever he wanted. After all, he is James Taylor. This is how James Taylor became my 1st neighbor in MY neighborhood. The neighborhood where I pick MY neighbors.

The second person in my neighborhood will be Garth Brooks. He will be my neighbor on my other side. He will play his guitar and sing when James defers to him. Garth will roam all around his yard singing like he does when he is on stage. When he sings “Friends in Low Places” James and I will laugh, because we know we are 2 of those friends. His wife, Trisha Yearwood, will come out with a big plate of southern biscuits for us. Then she will sing a few songs with Garth. Before the night ends I’ll request Trisha to sing ” I Remember You”. We will all shed a few tears. Then bid each other goodnight until tomorrow.

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy will live across the street from me. We will both go get our mail the same time each day. Jeff will shout across the street, “You might be a redneck if…” jokes. I’ll crack up each time he delivers a new ending. When we have our neighborhood picnic I’ll insist Jeff tell the story about the 1st time he went for a colonoscopy. I’ll double over in laughter like I’m hearing it for the first time. It’s THAT funny!

Comedian Jim Gaffigan will also live across the street. I’m sure our mail will get mixed up often because our last names are so similar. Jim has 5 kids. So I am sure he will send one of them over with my mail. I’ll send his kids back home with Hot Pockets. Jim is known for his Hot Pockets comedy bit. He’ll think I’m very funny. Plus, he has 5 kids to feed, so I am sure he will be grateful.

Reba McEntire will also live in my neighborhood. We most definitely will watch reruns of her “Reba” tv show. We will laugh out loud at every episode, even though we have seen them multiple times. Afterwards we will head on over to Dolly Parton’s house. In a perfect world I imagine Reba and Dolly would be neighbors. Thus, they will be MY neighbors, too. Dolly will tell us stories about growing up in the hollers of Tennessee. Then she will sing the song that she wrote about the story. She will also quote a Bible verse to tie everything together and to make us grateful that God put Dolly in our world. Mostly, the three of us will cackle so much that Dolly’s husband Carl will come in to see what is going on. Yes, I will be one of the few that will know what Carl looks like. The whole neighborhood will. But, we will never take a picture of him. We will honor his privacy to the utmost. We all will have a sweet spot for Carl. Dolly will eventually write a song about it.

Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson will be in my neighborhood, too. After all, Tom Hanks did portray Fred Rogers in, “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood “. Every time I go bye their house I will yell, “Wilson!”, like Tom did in his movie “Castaway “. But, only when I need Rita. Otherwise, I’m sure she would find it annoying. Rita will sing The National Anthem at all our Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day BBQ’s. Because, even though I have a lot of singers in my neighborhood, none can sing the National Anthem A cappella as beautifully as Rita can.

Every Sunday evening Tom, Rita and I will carry our lawn chairs over to Michael Buble’s house. We will sit in the front yard. Tom will ring the doorbell and Michael will come out to put on a show for us. Eventually, the other neighbors will come and sit in his yard, too. The Sunday show will get us all ready for the week ahead. I’ll be the last one to leave the yard because Michael Buble’ is my favorite singer. He also makes me giddy in the head and weak in the knees. It’s hard to carry your lawn chair home when you are weak in the knees and giddy in the head.

I will drive around my neighborhood with James Corden. We will have our own carpool karaoke. Every time James comes up with a new crosswalk theater, I will ask him what he needs me to do to pull it off. When Ron passed away and I couldn’t sleep, James Corden was there for me. He made me laugh when I didn’t think it was possible. Ron and I would watch James Corden’s Late Late Show because he made us so happy. We knew when one of us said, “James”, we were referring to James Corden. James is my life saver. I will always take extra time picking the perfect Christmas gift for James. Even though it will never be enough to convey my gratitude for his friendship.

Every neighborhood needs neighbors that can assist you when you need help. That is why all the gentlemen from “Barnwood Builders” will live in my neighborhood. Mark Bowe, Johnny Jett, Sherman Thompson, Tim Rose, Graham Ferguson and Alex Webb will be my go to guys. They can take down log homes and rebuild them. Surely they will be able to help me make some window boxes. These guys are quick with puns that make you laugh, no matter how awful the pun is. They are down- to -Earth men. They respect the past. But, are always looking towards the future. They were there for me the 1st night Ron was gone. Their friendly exchanges towards each other calmed my mind when my mind wouldn’t stop racing. They know how to find the beauty in something that seems lost. They bring it back to life one step at a time. This is what they did for me. They were there for me every time I looked for them. They stayed with me all through the night speaking kindness and hope. They support each other and they supported me. Ron used to say he would have loved to have lived in pioneer times. I believe he sent these men, that covet the pioneer days, to take care of me, too.

How would I get through self-quarantine without Jimmy Fallon and his family? Each night I wait for Jimmy to wave to me. I can’t wait to see what room in his house we are going to hang out in. Of course, Jimmy and his family will live in MY neighborhood. Jimmy’s wife, Nancy, will drive her VW Bug Van around town. I will drive my 1950’s Woody Wagon. We will bring smiles to the whole neighborhood. And when I need to clear my mind or feel like a kid again, I will head over to the Fallon’s and take a ride down their slide inside their house. No matter how I feel at the top of the slide, by the time I get to the bottom, all will be well in my world.

Of course, my family and you my fabulous friends, will all live in MY neighborhood. How else could everyday….be a beautiful day in MY neighborhood…without you? Well, it couldn’t. I know Dolly will have the perfect Bible verse to let you all know how I feel. Just let me put my lawn chair away. Grab one of Trisha’s biscuits. Then I’ll run over to Dolly’s to get that Bible verse. See you around OUR neighborhood soon, my fabulous neighbors!!