I wrote this blog post several weeks ago when I went to get an oil change for my Suburban. If I have to say so myself,…and I most definitely will,…it was a very witty blog post. Yessiree. It should have come with a warning for those reading it while sitting on the aisle seat on the airplane. They had better make sure their seatbelt was securely fastened. If not, they could possibly roll down the aisle from uncontrollable laughter. My original plan was to finish writing my blog on Saturday and post it the Tuesday after Memorial Day. Considering I haven’t posted a blog in quite some time, I was very happy with my plan. Now I’m sure we’ve all heard the Yiddish proverb, “Man plans and God laughs”. Well, if God was sitting on the aisle seat on the airplane, he was most definitely wearing his seatbelt. God knew my blog post plan. Thus, he put on his seatbelt so he wouldn’t roll down the aisle from uncontrollable laughter.
It should be noted I did have a gut feeling earlier in the month that God had a plan that would trump any of my plans. This feeling immediately came over me when I left my foot doctor’s appointment. My foot doctor informed me I wouldn’t be able to go back flying for several more weeks. Unfortunately, the swelling in my foot needed to decrease more before I could return to my Skytress life. I’ll admit. It didn’t bother me one scintilla that I couldn’t go back flying. I actually joked with my doctor about her extending my medical leave. I told her I was getting a taste of retirement life from being off for so long….and I rather liked it. Heck. Every day has been like a Saturday since I had my foot surgery. I’ve rarely thought about flying since my last trip on March 8th. Incredibly, I completely forgot about my 34th Skytress anniversary. I even forgot about “The Rerouted Skytress” blog’s fourth anniversary. Not surprisingly, I haven’t miss commuting, weather delays, reroutes or the crew lounge. Still, when I walked out of the doctor’s office excited my pre-retirement days would continue, I absolutely knew God was delaying my return to work for another reason. Every day I wondered when God would reveal his plan. Well, God decided to divulge his plan the Saturday I planned to finish writing my blog post. Unfortunately that night, my mom fell in the bathroom and broke her femur. Holy moly! That was a heck of a plan. Don’t you agree? So, instead of working on my blog, I was welcoming the paramedics from Station #3 into our house. A short time later the paramedics whisked my 84 -year old mom off to the emergency room. My sister, Patti, followed them to the hospital. I stayed home with my brother Brian. After all, I was a semi- retiree. Plus, I loathe emergency rooms. Loathe is actually an understatement. Thankfully for all of us, my sister isn’t retired and doesn’t abhor emergency rooms like I do. I’ll admit. She was definitely stinky from camping earlier in the day. But, that was a minor inconvenience for everyone. Well, except for me. I couldn’t smell my sister when she was at the hospital and I was at home. I wholeheartedly approved this part of God’s plan.
My mom was transferred to another hospital in the middle of the night. She needed to have a trauma orthopedist operate on her leg. Unfortunately, the hospital closest to our house didn’t have a trauma orthopedist on staff. I’ll admit. I never heard of a trauma orthopedist before that night. My reaction to hearing “trauma orthopedist” was comparable to hearing “Skytress” or “Skyter” for the first time. I was intrigued beyond words. I pictured a trauma orthopedist having extra special powers like Skytresses and Skyters do. Skytresses and Skyters can make a seven course meal from leftovers on the aircraft. Then serve it to a full airplane on a 30-minute flight….and still have the galleys sparkling clean before the seatbelt sign comes on for the initial descent. Trauma orthopedists? Well, they just have specialized surgical skills. They can’t speed up or slow down time like Skytresses and Skyters can. Time apparently stands still for trauma orthopedists. Especially on a holiday weekend. Unfortunately, my mom had to wait a day to have surgery. Her surgery took place on Memorial Day. Fortunately, the upswing to having surgery on Memorial Day is the surgical waiting room is completely empty. It was this semi-retired Skytress’ delight….no people sitting in rows of seats staring at me! Interestingly, in contrast to emergency rooms, I’m perfectly okay sitting in a surgical waiting room. Go figure. Thankfully, my mom’s surgery was successful. However, Dr. Trump….I kid you not about his name…. informed us she wouldn’t be able to put weight on her leg for six weeks. In essence, my mom’s leg was getting a taste of retirement, too. Two days later my mom had to have a blood transfusion. Then the day my mom was supposed to be released to a rehab facility she tested positive for Covid. Egads. This was the first time my mom has ever had Covid. We quickly discovered the original rehab facility my mom was scheduled to go to couldn’t take my mom because she had Covid. Ah, yes. “Man plans and God laughs”. I told myself and everyone else that God apparently had a better plan for my mom. And he did. The new rehab facility is closer to our home. The staff couldn’t be more wonderful. My mom even has a spacious private room. Since I’m sort of retired, I go visit her every day. Plus, I’m one of my Mom’s favorite daughters. Which works out well, since she is my favorite Mom.
Who knew my taste of retirement would include so much time navigating around a plethora of medical situations? Not me. But, then again, my taste of retirement started with my own medical procedure. So I guess the medical mayhem actually started with me. Egads! Sadly, my taste of retirement will be coming to an end in a few weeks. My medical leave ends July 10th. I’ll admit. I’m trying to use every ounce of my special Skytress power to slow down time. Heck. I’ve barely had time to enjoy the retirement perk of sleeping in. I haven’t dawdled or tinkered like a true retiree. Sure, I whittled away two days on my iPad looking for the perfect planter for my flowers. But, mostly I’ve whittled away time driving to and from hospitals and rehab facilities. Where’s the retirement fun in that? I did get to piddle in the kitchen making cookies for the paramedics at Station #3. Not surprisingly, I’ve discovered I like piddling. Heck. I’m sure Station #3 likes my piddling pastime, too. I’ll admit. I would like more retirement days to hang out with my mom as she recovers from her broken femur. After all, I am one of her favorite daughters. Yessiree. I don’t show up stinky from camping and I make cookies! I know some of my of my Skytress and Skyter friends haven’t even had an appetizer taste-test of retirement. Their time clocks don’t include any components for piddling, dawdling, tinkering or whittling away time. Unlike them, come July 10th, I’m going to use my super Skytress powers to speed up time. For me, my taste of retirement has been delicious. I’d like another hearty serving, please. Heck. I’d like a full-blown smorgasbord of retirement. Here’s hoping I get the early-bird special. Here’s to also hoping God didn’t put on his seatbelt when he heard this plan.