The Rerouted Skytress

I had Robert Van Winkle on my flight again the other day. You know, raper Vanilla Ice….. Ice Ice Baby. I have Vanilla Ice on my flight a lot. He lives in West Palm Beach. I happen to work a lot of West Palm Beach flights. I never ask Vanilla Ice about his raping days. Nor, do I ask him about his tv show, “The Vanilla Ice Project”, on the DIY Network. He doesn’t ask me about, “The Rerouted Skytress”, blog either. No, we simply go about our business on the flight. Unfortunately for me, though, the next three weeks I have the song “Ice Ice Baby” swirling around my head. Vanilla Ice is very popular amongst the flight crews. You see, ice is an integral part of our lives. A good bag of ice is golden when you are a Skytress or Skyter. The most knowledgeable Skytresses and Skyters know the best ice in the airline system comes from Little Rock. Yes, by golly. Good Ice Ice Baby! is very serious to us! Oh my, I cannot count the number of times a crew member has broken out in Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” when inquiring about the ice onboard the aircraft. But when you have Robert Van Winkle on your flight, you sing “Ice Ice Baby” ad nauseam. If you are quirky like me your mind starts to wonder as you sing the song. Incredibly, the last time I had Robert Van Winkle on my flight, my mind wandered to the times I had ice ice …baby… on the outside of the aircraft. As Ron jokingly used to say about himself, “I’m referred to as weird at times.” Well, the same can be said about me, too. I guess that’s why we got along so well! Yep, Ice Ice Baby!

Years ago, if a flight went to Syracuse, it also went to Rochester. Or vice versa. It was just a given. This is how our routing system was back in the day. We would group the Syracuse and Rochester passengers together on one airplane. Then we would drop them off like a school bus dropping off students at their homes…one stop at a time. One day there was some weather in the upstate New York area. We were originally scheduled to fly to Rochester first. Then we would fly to Syracuse. Because of the inclement weather in upstate New York, our weight and balance was not ideal for landing on Rochester’s shorter runway. Yes, the weather, the length of the runway and the passenger load was playing havoc with our flight schedule. Eventually, someone much smarter than me figured out how to rectify our situation. It was finally determined if we flew to Syracuse first and let the Syracuse passengers deplane, our weight and balance would be perfect for the conditions in Rochester. Since we had to fly to both cities anyway, no one really cared where we landed first. Everyone was actually more impressed someone had figured out this plan. We all agreed it was much better than cancelling the flights. So, we flew to Syracuse…..Then we flew to Rochester. Amazingly, everything was going according to the new plan. We landed in Rochester and taxied to the gate. Because it was before 9-11, we taxied to the gate with the cockpit door opened. Even though I was sitting in the back of the airplane, I could see the gate lights as we turned into the gate area. Remarkably, I could even see the concourse windows through the cockpit window from my aft jumpseat. I was eagerly anticipating the Captain setting the parking breaks and turning off the seatbelt sign. Then all of a sudden, the airplane made a uncharacteristic wiggle. My first reaction was, “Holy crap! What was that?” No one moved. The passengers were very quiet. Seconds later, the Captain turned the seatbelt sign off. The Skytress that was sitting next to me on the jumpseat said, “That was the weirdest sensation.” Then we broke out in nervous giggles as we went to disarm our doors. We followed the last of the passengers up the aisle. The Captain anticipated our questions. Before we could speak, he informed us we had slid on a patch of ice as we were pulling into the gate. Yep, Ice Ice Baby! I was amazed how easily a heavy aircraft could slide on ice. I told the Captain for a brief moment I wasn’t sure the airplane was going to come to a complete stop. I had visions of us crashing into the concourse windows. The Captain said the tug operator was probably thinking the same thing. The tug operator had been standing on the tug marshaling the aircraft forward with his orange-lighted hand wands. When the airplane started to skid the tug operator jumped off the tug and ran. Yikes, Ice Ice Baby! The Captain said when the plane started to skid he feared the breaks wouldn’t hold. He feared the plane would crash into the tug, or worse. The Captain said the exact thought must have been going through the tug operators mind, too. Fortunately, the airplane didn’t hit the tug and the tug operator was unharmed. Relieved, we all started to laugh at the oddness of the event. The Captain laughed the hardest. He was truly relieved everything turned out okay. He chuckled and said he would forever remember the shocked look on the tug operator’s face as the plane skidded towards him. He said if the tug operator had a lifetime of reoccurring nightmares about an airplane running over him, he would completely understand. Ice Ice Baby!

Icy weather got the best of us one Christmas Eve in Shreveport. We knew it was going to be a long day when the gal at the front desk wondered why we were heading to the airport. All the other crews staying at the hotel had their flights cancelled because of the icy conditions. I was a little perturbed no one had called us. Obviously, we had gotten dressed for no reason. My frustration quickly subsided, though. I was now becoming giddy with the thought of crawling back into bed. As expected, the Captain took control of the situation. He immediately called scheduling. Unfortunately, scheduling hadn’t canceled our flight. No, the company wanted to try to get at least one flight out of Shreveport. Sadly, no one was going back to bed. Instead, we reluctantly climbed into the hotel shuttle. And off to the airport we went. Ice Ice Baby, all the way there.

When we arrived at the airport the gatehouse was filled with passengers from our flight and the other cancelled flights. Apparently, just like scheduling, the passengers were hoping one flight would depart Shreveport that day. Unfortunately, a Christmas miracle would be needed for this to happen. The gate agent accompanied us down the jetway and explained the dilemma we were facing with the weather. Their de-icing equipment was not working. The company had been informed days prior to this situation. However, since Shreveport rarely needs de-icing equipment, it was not deemed a priority fix. I knew immediately that we were in a pickle. Yes. Ice Ice Baby…We were at a standstill. The only hope was for the weather to warm up enough for the ice to melt. So, we stowed our bags on the airplane and we sat down in first class and waited……And waited. Did I mention we waited? The sun refused to come out and the temperature wouldn’t budge. The Captain was becoming agitated with the situation. He inquired about towing the airplane to the aircraft hanger located on the other side of the airport. He surmised a warm hanger would melt the ice. The gate agent explained to the Captain the hanger was a military hanger. We didn’t have the security clearance to use it. Thus, his plan would not be feasible for our situation. Unfortunately, we would have to stay on course with our original plan and wait for the ice to melt. Oh,no! Ice Ice Baby! At this point my fellow Skytresses and I walked up into the gatehouse with drinks and snack from the airplane to serve the waiting Shreveport passengers. The passengers were extremely kind and understanding of the situation. We knew they had Christmas plans. Sadly, their plans were unraveling as the time slowly dragged on. I felt awful there wasn’t anything we could do to rectify the situation. Unfortunately, the Shreveport passengers were hoping for a Christmas miracle that Santa was not willing to deliver. Ugh, Ice Ice Baby.

When I went back inside our airplane I could hear voices coming from our pilot’s cockpit radio. TWA pilots were talking with the Shreveport air traffic controllers. They were in a similar situation with the ice. However, unlike us, they did have de-icing equipment. Unfortunately, they didn’t have the proper type of de-icing fluid for the situation. The TWA pilots asked the air traffic controllers if it was possible to get de-iced at the end of the runway. The type of de-icing fluid they had would require them to be airborne in less than 30 minutes from the time the fluid was first applied to the aircraft. The gentleman in the tower told the TWA pilots their aircraft was the only one that day in a position to take off. So, they approved the plan. In less than 30 minutes TWA was airborne. And we waited. Our Captain was growing frustrated. He wanted to be home for Christmas morning to celebrate with his children. Heck, we all wanted to be home on Christmas. Darn you, Ice Ice Baby!

Hours later our flight was cancelled and we headed back to the hotel. The gal at the front desk was not surprised to see us. She had placed our room keys to the side for our anticipated return. She informed us the hotel restaurant was now open and she was going to comp our meals. Thank you, Ice Ice Baby! In true Skytress form, we ladies changed our clothes and were sitting in the restaurant in a matter of minutes. A pilot from one of the earlier cancelled flights was eating in the restaurant when we arrived. He came over to speak with us. We told him about our eventful, or should I say, uneventful, morning at the airport. He then explained he and the pilots from the other cancelled flights were going to host an impromptu Christmas party later that afternoon. He graciously invited us and our pilots to their Christmas party. We knew our sweet first officer had his fill of the Captain that day. We wanted him to experience some Christmas cheer. So, we called Ray and told him about the party. We told him we weren’t going to invite our grumpy Captain, though. We were thrilled when Ray joined us at the Christmas party. It was at the party we learned about the pilots slip-sliding icy adventure to the grocery store. Yep, Ice Ice Baby! The pilots said they were determined to make it to the store and back to the hotel with some Christmas goodies. They deemed it “The Christmas Challenge”. Luckily for the rest of us, they bought a marvelous assortment of food and Christmas items. The Skytresses from my crew and the other crews were definitely impressed. Needless to say, we all had a festive time hanging out with our airline family members. The next day no one on our crew mentioned the Christmas party to the Captain. It was our Christmas secret. Alas, Ice Ice Baby!..it’s not a secret anymore.