The Rerouted Skytress

Ron used to say all the time that we were night owls. Night owls that preferred to fly early morning flights. It wasn’t always the best combination for our R.E.M. sleep. But, I accomplish so much more in the late hours. Even if that is just binge watching something on Netflix or the Hallmark Channel. So, it has always baffled me as to why it is so darn hard for me to stay up to midnight on New Year’s Eve. The hours from 8pm-midnight are like sloth hours for me. I have celebrated New Year’s Eve in many cities throughout my life and Skytress career. On December 31st, I am completely ready to say goodbye to the current year and hello to the new year. However, I absolutely abhor staying awake on New Year’s Eve until midnight to make it all happen.

When I was a young Skytress, I was excited to fly an all-nighter back to Cincinnati on New Year’s Eve. I was flying with some of my favorite Skytresses and Skyters friends. We, also, had champagne to serve all the passengers at the stroke of midnight. (Well, really it was sparkling wine….but, champagne sounds more festive). I was flying in-charge that night. Staying awake on a plane at night is mentally challenging. The cabin is dark and the passengers are usually sleeping. The idea of waking everyone up to serve them champagne sounded naughty and fun. I relished the idea for hours. The sloth hours until midnight. For awhile, I actually thought time was standing still. It refused to enter the new year. I pleaded to Father Time. Just short of making a horrible deal with the devil…..we made it to midnight. As soon as my watch clicked on 12, I made a PA wishing our passengers a Happy New Year. I told them the crew would be coming through the aisles with champagne….(because it sounded more festive) to celebrate. I happily served my first-class passengers. The first-class passengers happily toasted the New Year at 35,000 feet. We made it to midnight and the new year! Alleluia!!! It would be easy to make it through the rest of the flight. A few minutes later my friend David strolled into first-class. He said there were a couple passengers in the main cabin that were disgruntled. They informed David, according to their watches, it wasn’t officially midnight when I made my PA. After hours of watch-watching, I felt very offended. How dare those coach passengers question my Seiko watch! I had all I could do not to pick up my PA and make another announcement. I wanted to tell those few passengers my watch was set to official airline time. I wanted to inform them I have spent the past few hours watching the small hand ever so slowly make its way to the 12. I wanted to bellow….”Keep your comments to yourself and fix your watches accordingly!” “Oh, and again, Happy New Year”.

I know you won’t be shocked to read I spent numerous Skytress years flying on New Year’s . Well, after my first year of flying that is. My year as a Skytress I didn’t fly on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. Unfortunately, I was flying my Christmas trip when my ears became blocked. I had excruciating sharp pain shooting from both ears down my neck for two days. I felt I was paying the piper for my St. Louis layover on Christmas Eve. When I got home I couldn’t get in to see my primary physician. Fortunately, my Mom donned her Super Mom cape and came to my rescue. My Mom was able to get an appointment with my brother Brian’s pediatrician. I didn’t mind going to see him. Dr. Sharp was once my pediatrician, too. After reading the latest “Highlights” edition in the waiting room, I was called in to see the doctor. Dr. Sharp examined my ears and told me I had severe infections in both ears. I was grounded from flying for two weeks. I don’t remember much from that New Year’s. Strong antibiotics helped me miss the sloth hours until midnight….and the few days that followed.

In the movies, Skytresses and Skyters fly fabulous trips on New Year’s Eve. They arrive to the hotel in time to change into designer couture dresses or tuxedos and attend a marvelous New Year’s Eve party. I’d love to tell you my Skytress New Year’s trips were exactly like this scenario. Sadly, I never traveled with a couture dress that coordinated nicely with my sensible Skytress concourse shoes. In reality, I was mostly on short layovers trying to get some sleep before an early get up. I remember one New Year’s Eve I was at the airport hotel in Albuquerque. I had just fallen asleep when I heard people running up and down the hallway screaming. I could hear them gleefully punching balloons down the hallway. I wondered to myself, “Who celebrates New Year’s Eve at the airport hotel in Albuquerque?” I quickly came to the conclusion I’d see those celebrants on my early flight the next morning. I refused to look at the clock. I told myself it was obviously midnight. I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep. Of course, since it was past midnight and the sloth hours had passed….time sped up fast. Deliriously fast. Before I knew it, I was putting on my sensible Skytress concourse shoes getting ready to go back flying in the new year.

One year I was finally senior enough to have my trip come in on New Year’s Eve day. It was a major Skytress achievement. At the time, I was dating Captain Pilot. Captain Pilot was trying to make it back from Atlanta to Cincinnati to ring in the new year with me. Air traffic control slowed down Captain Pilot’s plane into Atlanta. Captain Pilot told me he was determined to make his deadhead flight home to Cincinnati. He had to run through the Atlanta airport like O.J Simpson to make his flight. But, good- golly, he made it. I know time was flying by at Mach speed for him that evening. On the contrary, it was an utterly sloth-dragging time for me. I was trying to keep busy by making our dinner. However, I couldn’t prepare most of the meal too far in advance. So mostly, I just waited. When Captain Pilot got to the house he was still in Mach mode. I started to make dinner. He jumped in right beside me to help. We were in the middle of getting dinner ready when I looked at him. He was still in his uniform. I started to laugh. I asked him if he was going to eat in his uniform, too. He laughed. As he headed off to change, he said it wouldn’t have been the first New Year’s Eve meal he had eaten in his uniform!

One New Year’s trip my crew and I were laying over at the airport hotel in Newark. It was a short layover. Early in the morning I headed down to the lobby to meet up with my crew. I was anticipating a solitary elevator ride. I was a little startled when the elevator stopped at another floor. Not as startled as I was when the elevator door opened, though. A man and a woman with very dramatic gothic makeup and attire entered the elevator with me. I backed up further in the elevator to make more room for the couple. As I did, I noticed the woman was holding a dog leash. The dog leash was attached to a collar the man was wearing around his neck. This seemed very normal for them. It wasn’t normal for me. Immediately, I had a hundred questions I wanted to ask the couple. But, quite frankly, they scared me a wee bit. I pretended this elevator ride was a normal early morning occurrence for me. When the elevator doors opened to the lobby, I was once again stunned. Most mornings hotel lobbies are very quiet. This morning the lobby was abuzz with people. People not unlike the couple I rode in the elevator with. My eyes bounced from one extravagant looking person to the next. Eventually, I spotted my Skyter friend David. David was standing off to the side holding a cup of coffee taking in the whole scene. I walked over to David trying to act nonchalant about everything and everyone I was observing in the lobby. The first words David spoke were, “I think we are the bizarre looking ones this morning.” He was correct. We were the odd-balls dressed in our airline uniforms. Before I could say anything, David informed me that Howard Stern had taped a New Year’s Eve tv show at the hotel the previous evening. At that moment everything made sense to me. I’m sure it was very exciting for these people to take part in a New Year’s Eve tv special. Though I wondered if at some point in the evening one or more of the participants thought to themselves, “Are we ever going to make it to midnight?”

One year my friends decided to forgo their traditional New Year’s Eve party for a themed New Year’s Eve party. We decided to do a themed party after the year we all dressed up and cooked numerous culinary courses. There were definitely too many courses to cook that year. Even with the help of the sloth hours. Yes, that year almost did us in. We needed to simplify and lighten things up. Thus, the themed party evolved. The following year the New Year’s Eve party was themed, “Back to the 80’s”. Most of us grew up in the 80’s. It was easy to recreate and plan this party. The year after that, the theme was, “A White Trash” New Year’s Eve. Boy, we went all out for this theme. That New Year’s I completely understood the couple I encountered in the elevator in Newark. A dog leash and collar were nothing. Our friend Steph’s costume would have made the elevator couple wonder about her sanity. We didn’t wonder, though. Steph used to be a Skytress! I must confess, the look on the man’s face who delivered the chicken pâté’ that year was priceless. I’m sure it was the same reaction I gave the couple in the elevator in Newark. My friends lived in a very nice area in downtown Chicago. However, for the party, my friends hung a clothes lines through their living room….complete with undergarments hanging on it to enhance the party theme. An ironing board was used as a buffet table. Lawn furniture was placed all around the room. It was an over-the-top “white trash” spectacle. We had a spectacular evening celebrating. Yet, as the evening rolled on… my sloth hours eventually kicked in….just like they do every New Year’s Eve. I once again wondered if I would make it to midnight. Good thing there was an aluminum lawn chair to sit in while I waited for the new year to creep in.

I haven’t stayed awake until midnight the past several New Year’s. Before the sloth hours become unbearable, I am snuggled warmly under my bed covers falling off to sleep. This has become my new New Year’s tradition. I haven’t decided if I will pause this tradition this year. Like everyone else, I desperately want to see 2020 end and 2021 begin. Then again, I think how excited I was last year for the year to start. Three months later, it took an awful… awful… awful… turn. It’s definitely been an exhausting year. Making it to midnight might be asking too much of me this year. Maybe I should continue with my new tradition of going to sleep early. In an exceptionally abnormal year,….I’d like at least ONE normal thing to go as planned.