The Rerouted Skytress

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. So, I thought I’d tell you all some fun stories about my Mom.

The 1st time I met my mother was the day before Thanksgiving. She gave birth to me that Wednesday. As she held me in her arms, she lovingly told me she was my Mom. Years later I found out her name is Mary Ann. I decided to continue to call her Mom though ….It fit her. The day I was born, I’m positive my Mom laughed and thanked me for getting her out of cooking Thanksgiving dinner. One thing you should know about my Mom….My Mom HATES to cook!

One summer when we were at the beach my Mom and her friend Mary were talking about winning the lottery. Mary said when she won the lottery she was going to build a house with a big kitchen. My Mom said when she won the lottery she was going to build a house without a kitchen. For years my Mom would joke our upper kitchen oven was for her friend Mary. The lower oven was for her friend Kate. My Mom would laugh and say her job was to open up the jar of applesauce. However, when I bought my house in Cincinnati and had to fly Thanksgiving morning, my Mom came to visit and cooked dinner so I wouldn’t be alone for the holiday. And even though she is known for her 3-mile island meatloaf she once made in the microwave, her chocolate chip cookies are the best in the land. So much so, that I refuse to bake chocolate chip cookies because they never turn out perfect like hers. She is also famous for her grasshopper pie. Not because it is the best in the land. But, because she chipped the sink opening the bottle of creme de mint. She forgot to put the top on the blender after she put the cookies in and turned it on. Cookies shot to the ceiling and all over the dog. Then after bringing the pie to our friend’s house, she forgot to refrigerate it. So, they poured the pie into glasses and drank it. My Mom always laughs when she tells this story. One of my Mom’s greatest gifts is that she can laugh at herself. She has taught us not to take ourselves or life too seriously. And she taught us, if you hate to cook, marry someone who does. Or surround yourself with friends that you can designate one of your ovens to.

My Mom grew up in Jersey City, NJ. After she married my Dad and had my oldest sister Maureen, they moved to Salt Lake City. My mom learned a few things after they moved to Utah. For instance, my Mom learned about dandelions. She thought they were a beautiful wild flower grown out West….until she found out they are weeds. This city gal initially didn’t trust the doctors out West, either. When my sister Patti was born, my Mom flew back East to have her. She was certain the doctors back East were more knowledgeable and caring. However, her views about the doctors out West changed soon after they moved to Montana. When we were living in Montana my brother Sean got really sick. Our doctor came to our house. My brother needed to go to the hospital. My Mom had my two sisters at home. Our doctor told my mom to find someone to take care of my sisters. He would drive my brother to the hospital and meet her there shortly. My mom has never forgotten our doctor’s kindness. She uses this story to tell how wonderful the people out West are. My Mom discovered life-long friends in Butte. We haven’t lived in Montana for years. But, this past week my Mom was calling out to Butte to check on her friends. If you are a friend of my Mom’s, you are a friend for life.

A funny story about Montana that my Mom likes to tell on herself, is when she got a parking ticket in town. My Mom didn’t think she was in the wrong, and therefore, she was determined not to pay the ticket. So off to court she went. It was her time to appear before the judge. The judge asked my Mom to explain her side of the story. My Mom walked up to the chalkboard in the courtroom. She showed the judge where her car was parked on the street. She showed the judge where the other cars were parked. As she was doing so she said, “You see your Honor”. The people in the courtroom laughed. She thought they were laughing at her Jersey accent. But she was determined to make her point. So she proceeded again and said, “You see your Honor”. And the people in court laughed more. After my Mom said her peace, the judge spoke. He told my Mom it was obvious she was not from Butte. He said, “Mrs. Gaffney, I am a blind judge. I couldn’t see anything you were pointing out on the chalkboard.” He then told her she gave him the best laugh of the day. So, he excused her ticket. My Mom always laughs and says this is the best part of the story!

My Mom was determined when it came to us kids, too. Once my brother was put in the wrong math level in high school. The teachers were not correcting this matter quickly enough for her. The teachers wanted to wait until the semester was over before they put my brother in the higher math class. My Mom was pregnant with my youngest brother at the time. My Mom went up to the high school. She told the priest in no uncertain terms that he did not want to deal with a 40- year old pregnant woman. She told him they had computers in the school and he better use it to fix this problem. She spoke in a tone that put fear of God in the priest. My brother was put in the proper class that afternoon. My Mom knew being pregnant would work to her advantage. My Mom is a VERY smart woman!

My Mom has always loved to have fun. Especially with us kids. Once when we were young we told Mom about the Chinese fire drill. My mom had no idea what it was. We explained to her that she had to stop the car at the stop sign. We would all jump out of the car. We would run a circle around the car. Then we would run back into the car. Mom laughed. She let us do this all the way home. She also let us do this drill anytime we asked her after that. The car was filled with laughter each time. Our friends thought our Mom was the best. Because she was.

We all had a great laugh when my Mom turned 40. Our friend’s in the neighborhood always threw big parties when one of them turned 40. A party with a theme. My Mom’s theme was “you are no longer a spring chicken, you’re an old turkey”. The neighbors got a live chicken and turkey to put in the yard. It was hysterical. Not as hysterical as seeing my Mom going into the neighbor’s yards trying to catch them after they got loose. It was quite a show. Fortunately, one of the neighbors, Mrs. Roberts, grew up on a farm. Mrs. Roberts caught the turkey and chicken with a wire coat hanger. The chicken and turkey lived in our garage for a few days afterwards. It’s the closest any of us have come to living on a farm.

My Mom has always filled our lives with love and laughter. She has taught us the importance of family and friends. And how through kindness and compassion your friends become family. She has taught us not to be afraid to fight for what you know is right. Mostly she has taught us to find the humor in any situation. My Mom has provided us with the best memories through out the years. The best part for us is that she is still creating those amazing memories.