The Rerouted Skytress

Do you know Canadians love Shredded Wheat? I mean LOOOOVVVEEEE Shredded Wheat! I discovered this years ago when we had meal services in the main cabin. When we flew to the western providences of Canada, we were catered with hot meals and cold meals. The hot meal selection was scrambled eggs. The cold meal selection was Shredded Wheat cereal. My first trip to Canada I was certain we would run out of eggs immediately. Who would choose to eat Shredded Wheat? Usually our cereal was Cheerios, Corn Flakes or Chex Cereal. I had no idea why whe would be catered with Shredded Wheat. Well, my stars, those passengers in and out of Canada couldn’t get enough of the Shredded Wheat Cereal! Every trip it was the preferred choice. I was always gobsmacked . The Shredded Wheat mass consumption was only one of many things that has intrigued me about Canada for years. Another intriguing thing about Canada is,… the cutest, and I mean CUTEST Customs Border Officers are in Toronto. I believe it is the number one criteria for becoming a Customs Border Officer in Toronto. If not, it is just a natural phenomenon! Those officers are phenomenally… naturally gorgeous. Not surprisingly, I have many wonderful memories of flying in and out of Canada….and not just gawking at the Customs Border Officers in Toronto. Of course, it will be my pleasure to share a few stories with you. Let’s start in the providence of British Columbia and we will work our way East to Quebec. You know they will be nice, friendly stories. Canadians ooze nice and friendly out of their bodies. Must be the Shredded Wheat.

My tour of Vancouver, British Columbia, started on a city bus with my First Officer. We had a long Vancouver layover. However, for some reason, we were laying over by the airport . The First Officer said he was going to take the bus into Vancouver. He wanted to know if anyone would like to accompany him. He spoke as if he had a plan. Apparently, I was the only one on the crew that liked a man with a plan. So, only he and I hopped on the bus. The First Officer was diligently looking over the map when our bus finally came to a stop. I sat there quietly next to him because I didn’t have a map….or a plan. The passengers on the bus asked us if we needed any help with directions. They politely told us this was the last bus stop. Even the bus driver was apologetic that he couldn’t drive us further. Amazingly, the rest of the day when the First Officer pulled out his map, people would walk up to us and ask us if we needed help. It was so refreshing. We walked miles that day. We strolled through numerous beautiful parks and neighborhoods. We gawked at the enormous cruise ships docked in the water. We sauntered by a multitude of interesting shops I would have loved to peeked in. Unfortunately, I could tell I was more interested in shopping than he was. So, we kept sauntering. We eventually traipsed into a restaurant and had a meal. And I talked. A lot. When I was a young Skytress silence used to make me nervous. Since it was just the two of us, I felt compelled to keep the conversation going. I was actually trying to think of things to talk about. Well, apparently I did a great job. The next day our crew asked the First Officer how our day was touring Vancouver. He said we had a wonderful time. He also added, “Eileen sure likes to talk.” I laughed at it then and I still do. That poor First Officer probably didn’t talk to the Captain the whole way back home. I’m sure I made him talk more than he had in years…. combined.

I told you all a wee bit about one of my Calgary layovers last week. I used to layover in Calgary a lot when I was based in Cincinnati. No layover was complete without a trip to the Calgary Tower in downtown Calgary. The tower rotates so you can see all around the city and the surrounding areas. It always humored me to see the Olympic Ski Jumping ramp in the far distance poking up out of the trees. I loved watching Eddie “The Eagle” Edwards Ski jumped off that ramp. The Calgary Olympics were one of my favorites growing up. The Jamaican Bobsled team made everyone smile in Calgary. Another thing that made me smile in Calgary …..eating with my crews! I’ve definitely had my share of dinners at The Buzzards Breath in Calgary. It was a crew favorite. One layover our Captain suggested a different restaurant he loved. He told us you could eat peanuts at your table and throw the shells on the floor….to soak up the spilled beer, of course. Apparently, Canadians are messy drinkers. Throwing stuff on the floor sounded very appealing to us. However, when we got to the restaurant the floors were pristine. We thought the Captain may have been wrong about the peanut shells on the floor. Yes, we ate every peanut in our baskets when the Captain brought them to the table. But, not one of us dropped a shell on the floor. No patrons at other tables did either. Finally, the Captain had enough of our lollygagging. He unapologetically flung his peanut shells on the floor. We all held our breath for him to be admonished by the waitress. Nothing happened. Well, actually, something did happened. People at other tables brushed their towering piles of peanut shells on the floor, too. Happily, no one got in trouble. Although, I would have loved to have seen a Royal Canadian Mountie in his handsome red uniform walk across the peanut-shell covered floor to give us Americans a talking to. Oh, Canada…..Canadian Mounties make my Irish eyes smile!

On we go to Edmonton. I was excited to finally fly to Edmonton. After all, they have one of the largest malls in the world. Besides eating, Skytresses love to shop. Sadly, I never had a long enough layover to go to the mall. Fortunately, I had long enough layovers to get together with my crews for dinner. The topic of conversation on our Edmonton layovers was always the hotel decor. It was very dated. It was if we had stepped back in time with all the shag carpet and dark woodwork. Sadly, not beautiful mahogany woodwork, either. Rather, very odd, early 1970’s woodwork. Whenever I would go to the restaurant with my crew, I always expected Mrs. Brady and Alice to bring out our meals.

If Toronto has the cutest Customs Border Officers, Edmonton has the quirkiest. I am convinced the Customs Border Officers in Edmonton brief early in the morning and decide how they are going to have fun at the U.S. flight crews expense. I remember once an officer asked me if I had a watch on. I told him I did. He then asked me what brand of watch it was. I would have laughed, only he had a very authoritative voice and he sort of scared me. Of course, my mind went blank and I wasn’t sure what he was fishing for. So, I blurted out my watch was a Timex. It wasn’t a Timex. But, I must have said it with such conviction that he was satisfied with my answer. He then asked the Skytress on my crew if she had any matches. When she said “yes”, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. He asked her where she got them. She pulled them out of her flight bag and told him she got them at the hotel. He seemed satisfied with that answer, too. Amazingly, every time we left Edmonton an officer would ask us oddball questions. I love Alberta. But, Edmonton, no offense,….you are a peculiar place with nice,….but, peculiar people.

Toronto is a much more sophisticated city than Edmonton. My opinion may be skewed a wee bit because of the handsome Customs Border Officers and the plethora of chic Toronto boutiques I’ve happily wandered into throughout the years. I know I’ve written about my dream of owning the Toronto Blue Jays. Our crews used to stay at the Skydome Renaissance hotel. (now it’s a Marriott) In my opinion, staying at the Skydome was pure sophistication. It’s a stadium and a hotel! A baseball- loving, architect-genius came up with this concept! I loved how we could go to the hotel bar and stand directly behind the baseball fans in their stadium seats. The hotel would permit one crew member to stay in a guest room that overlooked the outfield, instead of our regular crew rooms, if one was available. Of course, the person that had the room had to agree to let the crew come in to watch the game, too. The crew members also had to sign a waiver like all guest that stayed in rooms over looking the field. The waiver stated no one would be naked or lewd in their rooms with the curtains open. I never had to worry about signing the waiver. There was never a room available for the crew when I stayed there. My relatives have stayed in the rooms overlooking the outfield. I’m proud to report they kept their clothes on when they watched the game! Still, the guest rooms we stayed in were still something to behold. The rooms had two levels. The lower level had the bathroom and sitting area. The sleeping area was up a flight of stairs. Pure Skytress sophistication! I always slept well in the elevated bedroom. Well, unless the guy that loved to hit his drum outside the stadium was there. Unfortunately, he didn’t actually play his drum. He just hit it. It was definitely bizarre….and annoying. He was a far cry from a sophisticated drum player. I’m sure he was most likely from Edmonton.

Here’s an interesting fact. I’ve never layed over in Montreal when it wasn’t bitterly cold. I know they have summers there. Maybe one day I will experience a warm Montreal day. Hopefully, it will be when they have their beautiful outdoor markets open. I do like cold weather. I’m just not built for Montreal cold weather. I believe the ramp agents in Montreal are some of the hardiest humans around. Interestingly, they are also the happiest ramp agents around. Working outside in the harsh weather doesn’t seem to phase them. Unlike the ramp guys, when I was in Montreal, I tried not to leave the warm underground city on my layovers. There are shops and restaurants in the underground city. I kept close to the hotel’s underground entrance when I went shopping. The underground city is confusing to me. I always had a fear I would get lost if I ventured too far from the hotel. I was, also, keenly aware of the fact I don’t speak French if I got lost, too. Once my crew and I got lost in the underground tunnels when we were looking for a restaurant outside. We wanted to eat at a restaurant one of my Skytress friends had gone to with her husband a few weeks prior. We were trying to use the underground tunnels to avoid going outside in the cold to get to the restaurant. Because we love to eat at my airline, Skytress Donna was determined to get us there using the underground tunnels. We would pop up from the underground city like little prairie dogs and Skytress Donna would look out the glass doors to the outside. Several times we did this, ….only to go back down to the tunnels to pop up in another area. Skytress Donna could see the restaurant each time we were at street level looking outside. She just couldn’t figure out what underground tunnel we needed to take to get there. So, she finally asked the dreaded question. Would we mind going outside into the subzero temperatures to get to the restaurant? Since we were now very hungry from all our failed attempts to get to the restaurant via underground, we all agreed to bundle up and proceed into the bitter cold. Now, I have to take Skytress Donna’s word that the food was delicious. I did eat my entire meal. However, I shivered too much during my meal to notice how my food actually tasted.

The last time I crossed the border into Canada was my first trip after Ron died. I flew into Toronto. I flew with my Skytress friend Kristin. She took great care of me. She was my angel on Earth. My angel in Heaven, Ron, knew about my love for Canada. Especially, Toronto. I like to think Ron smiled in Heaven when we landed in Toronto. We weren’t laying over in Toronto on that trip. We were just doing a Toronto turn. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to see the cute Toronto Border Officers. I think Ron may have laughed a wee bit in Heaven knowing this. He knew about my unyielding love for the cute Toronto Border Officers. Ron also knew I loved him more than the cute Border Officers. Yes, Shredded Wheat Cereal may make the cute Canadian Border Officers ooze nice and friendly out of their bodies. But, Ron’s Frosted Mini-Wheats he loved to snack on, most definitely made him much sweeter to me.