The Rerouted Skytress

Did you know there is an airplane curse? Yessiree. It’s the curse of the light-passenger load. I know my fellow Skytresses and Skyters are shaking their heads in agreement. So what is the curse? Well, the curse of the light load is this….Skytresses and Skyters will work harder on a light-passenger flight than on a full passenger flight. It is a phenomenon that has been around as long as there have been passengers. Passengers will ring their call buttons a thousand times more on a light flight than a full flight. If they don’t touch their call buttons, they happily grab our arms or poke us as we are walking up and down the aisle. On light flights passengers aren’t trapped in their row. Thus, they freely walk to the forward and aft galleys in search of….well,…in search of anything that tickles their fancy. More often though, they are searching for the weakest link. The weakest link is the Skytress or Skyter they feel will be more accommodating to their whimsical needs. We have all been the weakest link on our flights. Interestingly, the weakest link can change multiple times during a flight. Yessiree. Oh, how I curse, the curse of the light-passenger load flight!

The other day when we were heading to Portland, Oregon we had a light passenger load. You guessed it. The conditions were ideal for the light-passenger load curse. Amazingly, the woman passenger sitting in row 12 single-handedly brought the curse to life. Egads!

Seasoned Skytresses and Skyters will shake their heads in agreement that passengers traveling to certain cities have a reputation. Portland passengers have a reputation of being,….how shall I say this gently?…they are quite often very odd passengers. This particular flight, the married couple in row 12 was definitely odd. The couple had booked their seats so the husband could sit next to the window and the wife could sit on the aisle. Neither one wanted the dreaded middle seat. Unfortunately for the woman that was sitting in the dreaded middle seat, the married couple argued over her head from the moment she sat down. Thankfully, since were weren’t full, we were able to re-seat the woman. In hindsight, this could have been the couple’s nefarious plan. The couple relished the extra space. Especially the wife sitting on the aisle. The wife obviously knew she could now easily raise her arm to ring her call button or wave us down in the aisle. She could, also, leave her seat multiple times without disturbing anyone sitting next to her. Astonishingly, the wife happily did all of these things the entire flight. Heck. If her seat had been a revolving door, it would have spun constantly for three hours from her continuous movement. I personally felt the aircraft temperature drop four degrees just from the wind she created frantically waving me down to get a headset. The fact I was standing right next to her seat while she was wildly flailing her arms about didn’t seem to phase her in the least. I’ll admit. It didn’t phase me either. In my head I reminded myself we were heading to Portland. Heck. I wasn’t phased either when she asked for three headsets. One for her husband. Two for her.

I chuckled a few minutes later when Skytress Sharan came back to the galley and informed me of the woman’s latest antics. Skytress Sharan said the woman gleefully grabbed eight snacks from the Comfort Plus basket. Now, the snacks in the basket are boarded to serve five rows of passengers….only if each passenger takes one, possibly two snacks each. The woman in 12C wasn’t concerned about this fact. Not one bit.

During the first beverage service the woman in 12C asked for two cans of Bloody Mary Mix…Two cups of water…A coffee with eight creamers…. Two Woodfords for herself…..And two Woodfords for her husband. Only she called them “Woodburns”. She, also, took one of each of our complimentary snacks…..Sun Chips, almonds, a Biscoff cookie and a lemon coconut energy bar. Incredibly,….or maybe not incredibly,….before we finished serving the rest of the cabin, the woman rang her call button. She wanted two more cups of water. I’ll admit. The woman in 12C was the topic of our conversation when we arrived back in the galley.

When it was time to conduct our coffee service, I told Skytress Sharan and Skytress Pam that I would take the tray of coffees out for the passengers. As I walked up the aisle, I prepared myself for the interaction with row 12. I turned towards the couple and asked them if they would like any coffee. The husband completely ignored me. The wife enthusiastically said yes. I then asked her if she needed any cream or sugar for her coffee. I expected her reply to be eight creamers like she had requested with her coffee earlier. However, my body language must have signaled to the woman I wasn’t the weakest link on the crew. By golly, I had her number! At that moment I couldn’t easily be taken advantage of. The woman hesitated. I tilted my head towards the creamers and looked the woman squarely in her eyes. My hand hovered over the cup of creamers impatiently waiting for her reply. Instead of asking for eight creamers, the woman reluctantly asked me for six creamers. I’ll admit. It was a small personal victory for me.

The woman in 12C quickly recovered from the coffee creamer defeat. Yessiree. She asked Skytress Sharan and Skytress Pam for additional water and two cans of Blood Mary Mix when they walked up the aisle to pick up the trash. Since Skytress Pam and I were busy refilling drink requests from multiple passengers, Skytress Sharan brought the woman her extra beverages. Skytress Sharan returned to the galley moments later. She told us the woman immediately put the cans of Bloody Mary Mix in her bag when she handed it to her. I’d like to say Skytress Pam and I were flabbergasted….but, were weren’t. A short time later the woman came back to use the lavatory. When she exited the lavatory she asked us for more water and snacks. Several passengers followed her lead when they came out of the lavatories. They, too, asked for more drinks and snacks. Several passengers commented that they didn’t normally ask for more items. However, they recognized it wasn’t a full flight. Thus, they knew we weren’t busy and could easily grant their requests. Yessiree. The curse of the light load was in full swing.

Our Skyter In-Charge, Meredith, walked to the back galley to check on us and the main cabin passengers. We told him we all had been spinning on our heels taking care of multiple passenger request the entire flight. We then told him about the woman in row 12. He was well-aware of her. He told us she had walked up to the first-class galley while he was quietly eating his crew meal. He told us he had closed the galley curtains so he could eat his meal out of view from the passengers. The woman in 12C brashly opened the closed curtain and asked him for more “Woodburn”. When Skyter Meredith said, “Woodburn”, we all burst out laughing. “Woodburn” had become our favorite word of the flight. Without skipping a beat, Skyter Meredith mentioned the curse of the light passenger load. We laughed even harder. We all watched the woman in 12C stop Skyter Meredith as he walked back to first class. Moments later he returned to her seat with several small bottles of water. We shook our heads in disbelief. Later in the flight Skyter Meredith returned to the aft galley. Skyter Meredith proudly proclaimed that he was now the weakest link on the crew. He said the woman in 12C knew it….and she was taking full advantage of this fact. As Skyter Meredith was telling us this, we watched the woman leave her seat and head towards the forward galley. We watched her boldly open the galley curtain. Skyter Meredith laughed. He said 12C was looking for the weakest link so she could get some more “Woodburn”. When the woman realized Skyter Meredith wasn’t there, she walked into the forward lavatory. The four of us stood in the middle of the aft galley so we could keep our eyes on the first-class lavatory. Finally, the woman exited the lavatory. She again looked around for Skyter Meredith. Skyter Meredith chuckled. He reiterated that he was truly the weakest link on the crew. Between our laughter, we told him we couldn’t agreed more!

The next two days of flying were uneventful. Well, except for the fact on day two we didn’t keep our originally scheduled aircraft. No siree. We had to switch to an aircraft that was being worked on by maintenance. The mechanics then posted a further maintenance delay on this aircraft. So, we had to switch aircraft once again. Only this time we had to wait. Our new aircraft was still enroute to Seattle. Eventually, we took off for San Francisco an hour and a half later than scheduled. Of course, this all happened on the longest day of our three-day trip. But, after THAT,…the rest of the trip was uneventful. Yessiree. The remainder of our flights were full. The passengers were well aware of this fact, too. It was beautiful. Not one passenger repeatedly rang their call button. Not one passenger grabbed our arms or poked us while we were walking up the aisle to ask us for extra drinks or snacks. Heck. Hardly any passengers leisurely walked to the back of the aircraft to use the lavatories. Nope. They were all trapped in their rows by fellow passengers. The aircraft curse was non-existent! Still, the four of us joked about who was the weakest link on each flight. Randomly, we would ask each other if we had any of that, “Woodburn” for the passenger in row 12. Every time we said “Woodburn” be would smile and laugh. Yessiree. The curse of the light- passenger load may get old…but, “Woodburn” never will.

The Rerouted Skytress is celebrating it’s third anniversary! Thankfully, there is flour in the grocery store to make a cake to celebrate. Three years ago, this wasn’t the case. Heck. Three years ago, it was mentality challenging just to walk into the grocery store. Egads! I don’t miss those days. I’ll admit. I do miss the days of lounging around the house watching the Cowboy and Hallmark Channels. Yes. I still watch those channels. However, I’m not lounging around the house like I did back then. Yessiree. I actually have to go to work to get a paycheck these days. More importantly, I have to go to work to get stories for The Rerouted Skytress blog. Fortunately, I have a wonderful trip to write about this week. It’s a trip that starts with the Rerouted Skytress wishing she got rerouted. Thankfully, I didn’t. Because, I had a phenomenal trip.

I was looking forward to my long Nashville layover from the day our monthly bid results came out. Unfortunately, my Nashville friends weren’t able to get together on my layover. Still, I knew I would have a marvelous time in Nashville. Heck. It’s Nashville! Incredibly, 45 minutes outside of landing, I was starting to pray we would land anywhere besides Nashville. You see, Mother Nature was extremely mad that night. She was producing nasty storms all across the Midwest. We dealt with rough air from Atlanta to Seattle. The rough air increased as we flew from Seattle to Nashville. As we approach Nashville from the East, …yes, you read this correctly,…we were no longer bumping along with the rough weather. No siree. We were now swishing and swaying with the incredible crosswinds. It was an extremely unsettling feeling. I’ll admit. I have never prayed so much on an approach in my career. The Captain had informed the crew earlier that we were going to fly between two storm systems on our approach into Nashville. He, also, informed us we had alternate cities available for a diversion. The longer I held on to the slide bustle in the back of the Boeing 737-900 to steady myself from the crosswinds jostling us about, the more I wished we would divert to one of those cities. Heck. I could always go back to Nashville for a long layover. I was mentally counting the minutes until we landed. I was confident our pilots would execute the perfect landing. It was just excruciating getting to that point. When we touched down in Nashville the passengers applauded. I would have applauded too. Only, I was busy saying prayers of thanks to God.

It was after 1am when we arrived at the ground transportation area. Our scheduled shuttle driver wasn’t there. The First Officer was watching the shuttle driver driving further away from the airport on the shuttle app. Fortunately, our Captain made the quick decision to pay for a cab to take us to the hotel. Despite the fact I had been up over 24 hours, I couldn’t fall asleep when I got to my hotel room. However, I wasn’t going to let the lack of sleep keep me from wandering around Nashville on my layover. Heck. It was Nashville! My new Skytress friend, Angela, and I met in the hotel lobby at noon. Angela was as excited as I was to explore Nashville. Fortunately, it was an incredibly beautiful Saturday. The storms had given way to sunshine and gusty winds. Unlike the crosswinds we experienced on our approach into Nashville, these winds felt delightfully exhilarating.

Skytress Angela and I had barely left the hotel when I noticed a couple wearing St. Louis Blues hockey shirts. I was about to say something when I noticed more people walking about with Blues paraphernalia on. It suddenly dawned on me the Blues were playing the Nashville Predators at the Bridgestone Arena. I felt a little guilty I was in town and not going to the game to root for my Blues. The guilt disappeared when I saw the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. I couldn’t help myself. I smiled ridiculously when I saw the building. Yes. I may listen to Canadian country music these days. However, my favorite country artists are enshrined in the Country Music Hall of Fame. Skytress Angela and I decided to keep walking over to Broadway. Broadway is is where the notorious Nashville bars and restaurants are located. It’s, also, where the party buses and pedal pushing bars frequent. I’ll admit. I saw more twerking on party buses in a three block radius than I have witnessed my entire life.

Skytress Angela and I walked with the throngs of people down Broadway. We eventually decided to break off from the legions of people and turned down a side street. Skytress Angela immediately saw the sign for the Johnny Cash Museum. I immediately saw the sign for the Goo Goo Cluster Candy Store. Since the candy store didn’t have an admission fee, we decided to check it out instead of the museum. After all, it’s a Nashville institution. Just like Johnny Cash. The store’s crisp red and white interior was invigorating. This, coupled with a store filled of chocolate, made both of us giddy. Shall I say it? Yes. I shall…We were definitely two kids in a candy store! We happily checked out all the Goo Goo Cluster items in the store. We could have designed personalized chocolate bars on the touch screen kiosk. Then we could have watched the chocolatiers make our custom designed chocolate bars on the opposite side of the store. Ultimately, Skytress Angela decided to buy a beautifully designed chocolate bonbon. I opted to purchase two boxes of classic Goo Goo Cluster chocolates for Easter. Yessiree. I did not regret my decision in the least.

I had decided when my Nashville friends couldn’t get together that I was going to visit the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum. I wanted to go inside the Hall of Fame when we walked by it earlier in the day. However, Skytress Angela had mentioned when we met in the hotel lobby that she wasn’t sure she wanted to pay the admission price for any of the museums in Nashville. When we left the candy store I decided I was going to go back to the museum….and I was taking Skytress Angela with me. I told Angela I was going to treat her to the museum. Heck. Skytress Angela had only been flying for two months. We needed to create some lasting layover memories for her. Plus, I wanted to properly welcome her to our crazy airline family.

I love all genres of music. However, country music truly speaks to my heart. You may remember my post about my neighborhood where I get to pick my neighbors. Dolly Parton, Reba McEntire, Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks were some of my closest neighbors. I was tickled to see my neighbors and my other country favorites proudly represented at the Country Music Hall of Fame. I was fascinated by the artifacts on exhibit. Many displays evoked a memory from my past. Some country artist names I hadn’t thought about in years. Some older names I didn’t know. Still I knew they played an essential part for my love of country music. I marveled at the colorful outfits, boots and instruments in the glass display cases. I was shocked my reaction to Elvis Presley’s gold-plated Cadillac was so nonchalant. Then again, I had just gawked at Webb Pierce’s Pontiac Bonneville Convertible moments before. The customized Nudie Mobile complete with its revolver car handles, silver shotgun on the trunk and miniature saddle insert in the front seat had set the Country star car gold-standard for me. Speaking of gold. The gold records hanging from the multiple walls in the museum was utterly impressive. My only regret was I didn’t have time to read all the information that accompanied the displays. Oh, well. This just means I will gladly have to visit the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum again!

Skytress Angela and I left the museum just as the hockey game ended. The streets were overflowing with people. We walked down Broadway to find a place to eat. Our efforts were futile. People were waiting in long lines to enter every restaurant and bar on Broadway. Music flowed from each establishment we passed by. I couldn’t fathom how one band or singer could ever become famous in a city that just oozes with talent. Whenever we passed an open restaurant window and I saw a drummer enthusiastically beating on his drums, I thought of Ron. Ron was an exceptionally talented drummer. Needless to say, Ron loved laying over in Nashville because of the tremendously talented musicians. Ultimately, Skytress Angela and I decided our best bet was to leave Broadway and head to side streets to find a less crowded restaurant. We decided to eat at a restaurant down the street from our hotel. Of course, we both ordered the Nashville chicken. It would have been a sin if we didn’t. The Nashville chicken was scrumptious. We finished our meal just in time to meet up with the rest of our crew back at the hotel. The hotel had a complimentary happy hour and dinner fare. The Captain and First Officer were already waiting when we arrived. The rest of our crew trickled in after Skytress Angela and I sat down. One by one, we recounted how we had spent our day in Nashville. We spent the remainder of the evening talking and laughing. It was a rare treat for all of us to gather around a table and hang out as a crew. My crew and I continued laughing and joking as we stepped into the elevator to head to our respective hotel rooms. As I walked to my room, I was so grateful we made it to Nashville. All the praying I had done the night before on our approach into the airport was totally worth it. I thought to myself, “Hooray for The Rerouted Skytress not being rerouted!”

Hooray for “The Rerouted Skytress” celebrating it’s third anniversary! I can only fathom the stories I will blog about this coming year. I’m confident the Rerouted Skytress will get rerouted a few times. Hopefully, the reroutes will be blog worthy. Heck. If I have to be rerouted, I should at least get a good blog story out of it. Fortunately for you my sweet readers, summertime flying is fast approaching. All Skytresses and Skyters know summertime flying produces some of the best stories. I surmise several of these stories will be survival stories. Yessiree. Stories of how we survived the summer passengers and newly hired Skytresses and Skyters. I anticipate on having some fabulous layovers to blog about, too. That’s a hint, hint and a wink, wink to the bidding gods. If not, I’ll just have to create some fun layovers so I can blog about them.

I want to thank you all, again for reading my blog. This journey would not be the same without you all. You all are the most loyal, gracious passengers this Rerouted Skytress could ever ask for. Once again, I have booked a first-class seat for you all so we can ponder life, share some laughs and possibly shed a tear or two. So…Here’s to an adventurous fourth year. In the infamous written words of Ron, “Let’s have a great trip”.

I am convinced there is more intense praying at the Known Crew Member security line than there is at some churches on Sunday. No one wants to be the random selectee that has to go through the regular security line. Sadly, our faith is not so strong while we are in these lines. We are all convinced we are going to be the TSA’s random person. When we make it through the check point there is major rejoicing. If we don’t make it through, we question the entire KCM-TSA system. Yessiree. Our faith is challenged. Faith, however, should be constant. Unfortunately, many people’s faith is like flying. It’s all over the place.

This is Holy Week. It’s the perfect week to write about faith and God’s presence. Yessiree. My faith is unyielding. However, I am not complacent with my faith. I work on my faith daily. Especially when I am flying. Heck. Some days I encounter on average 600 people just on my flights. I’ll admit. Some passengers elicit more prayers to God than others. Thankfully, I witness God’s abundant love daily while I’m out flying, too. God is a loyal passenger on our airline. Yes. I know God is a loyal passenger on all airlines. I believe he prefers our airline the most, though. After all, we do go above and beyond as we….”keep climbing”.

I remember one particular flight I was glad God was flying with me. It was a mid-morning flight. I had only served two rows when my beverage cart drawers became stuck. In the process of trying to get the drawers unstuck, a can of club soda fell out, hit the floor and started spraying all over the place. The young girls on my left giggled. The gentleman on my right did not. He was getting the brunt of the spray. I tried to grab the club soda can so the spray wouldn’t hit the gentleman’s computer. In his frustration, the gentleman kept kicking the can to get it away from him. Unfortunately, it only caused the soda to spray even more. His face was turning a deep shade of red. He was beyond angry with me. I had the awful feeling this gentleman thought I dropped the can on purpose. He lashed out at me with angry words. I apologized profusely. I used every cocktail napkin I had on my cart to wipe up the soda spray. The gentleman was furious the club soda had sprayed on his blazer. He told me he only brought one blazer on his trip and he had to wear it for three days. I apologized once more and told the gentleman I would clean his blazer up in the galley. When I went up front, I hung the gentleman’s blazer near the Skytress jumpseat so the air vent would dry it faster. There was no need for me to clean the jacket. After all, we use club soda to clean up any thing that spills on fabric in the first place. I thought it was best not to mention this to the gentleman, though. I knew he wasn’t going to be receptive to anything I had to say at that moment. I then went back into the cabin and gave the gentleman extra skymiles for his inconvenience. He was still very displeased with me. Nothing I said to the gentleman seemed to help the situation. Reluctantly, I knew I had to move on with my beverage service. I silently asked God to bring this man peace, for I could not. I turned to the young girls on my left and apologized to them for the club soda shower. The young girl on the aisle smiled and said, “Don’t worry about it. Accidents happen”. I said a silent prayer of thanks to God. The young girl’s kind comments made me feel so much better. The young girl then said she liked my bracelet. I thanked her. I told her another Skytress had given it to me. I told her my bracelet had been blessed by the Pope. I smiled and told her I think of God whenever I look at it. I could tell the gentleman was listening to my conversation with the young girl. I saw him looking at my bracelet as I poured the young girl’s drink. Something shifted in his demeanor. I know at that moment God was speaking to this man’s heart. As I released my cart brake the gentleman turned to me and apologized for his anger. I could see the man was now at peace. As I pushed my beverage cart to the next row, I distinctly remember thinking what we say at Mass. “Peace be with you. And with your spirit”. Thankfully, God heard my prays and granted peace both to the gentleman and to me.

I truly felt God’s presence one morning when we were flying out of West Palm Beach. A hurricane had changed its routing and was now heading towards the area. People were heeding the call and were evacuating en mass. That morning we had a high number of elderly passengers on our flight. Most were traveling on their own to meet up with family in other states. I knew under different circumstances they wouldn’t have been traveling alone. The weather had dictated that they had to now. The first passenger to board the airplane was a lovely elderly woman. I had the pleasure to assist her to her seat. The woman gently held on to my arm to steady herself as we walked down the aisle. I could tell she was nervous about traveling on her own. So, I took time to talk with her. I reassured her we would take great care of her and get her safely to her family. I wished I could have sat with this woman the entire flight to ease her mind. A few minutes later a gentleman walked down the aisle assisting his elderly mother. They were sitting in the same row with the woman I had been talking too. The elderly woman struggled to move in her seat so the gentleman and his mother could sit down. The gentleman’s face showed complete compassion for the elderly woman. He gently helped the woman unbuckle her seatbelt and helped her stand up. He then helped his mother sit down in the row. He continued to stand in the row as he helped the elderly woman settle back in her seat. He carefully helped her re-buckle her seatbelt. The elderly woman thanked the gentleman for helping her with her seatbelt. She sheepishly told the gentleman she didn’t normally fly on her own. The gentleman turned to her and smiled. He told her it was a blessing from God that he and his mother got seats on this flight when a hurricane was coming….and it was another blessing from God that he and his mother would be able to fly to Atlanta with her as their seat mate. My heart swelled as I watched this gentleman dote on his mother and the sweet lady the entire flight. He made both women feel extra-special. I knew, without a doubt, God walked with this gentleman every day. Better yet, I knew this gentleman was completely aware that God walked with him everyday, too.

God was definitely walking with me and my crew one day while we were walking down the concourse in Atlanta. A young man walked up to us and asked us where the USO was in the airport. I started to give the young man directions. However, something in my heart told me I had plenty of time between flights and I should walk him to the train and show him instead. So, I did. On our way to the train I asked the young man where he was from. He told me, Butte, Montana. I couldn’t believe it. Of all the people he walked up to in the airport, he walked up to the one Skytress that was from Butte, Montana. When I told the young man I was from Butte, he laughed. I laughed, too. At that moment I completely understood why God had spoken to me to walk with this young man to the USO. The young man told me he was heading off to basic training. He told me his mom and girlfriend cried at the Butte airport before he boarded his flight. They were heartbroken that he was leaving home. He said they called him when he landed in Salt Lake City. They had called him again when he landed in Atlanta. They were worried he would get lost in the Atlanta airport because it was so big. He told them not to worry. He told them he would ask someone for help if he needed it. I was certain the young man’s mom and girlfriend were praying for God to watch over him from the moment he got on the airplane in Butte. God definitely heard their prayers. Little did they know God would choose a Skytress from Butte to watch over him on the first day he left home. Yessiree. It was truly a God wink for us all!

Encounters like these at the airport only strengthen my faith and love for God. My faith is strengthened even more by my fellow Skytresses and Skyters. I see how God touches their lives on a daily basis. I see them pray with the airport chaplain early on Sunday mornings when he comes to the crew lounge. I see them studying their Bibles in the hotel lobbies before we leave for the airport. I see them in the crew lounge silently praying before they start to eat. My faith is strengthened whenever I see a crew member wearing their cross necklace. You see, there was a time when we were not allowed to wear any necklaces with our current uniform. Not even a cross necklace. Not surprisingly, we wore our cross necklaces in solidarity and in defiance of the uniform policy. Our faith was unyielding. Ultimately, the uniform policy was forced to yield to God. “We know that all things work for good for those who love God” Romans 8:28

These days I am expanding my faith in God and my Catholic religion by following the catechism in a year program. I haven’t missed a day. Yessiree. God is with me 24/7. My friend Brad suggested a Bible app for me, too. It has a verse of the day and a guided prayer section. I am so grateful Brad told me about this app. It, too, has strengthened my faith. When I had my long layover in Huntsville Brad and I talked for hours on the phone about God. As you can see, God doesn’t just fly on our airline…he comes on our layovers, too. He truly is the ultimate traveling companion. Yessiree. God goes wherever I go.

Even though God loves our airline,…I confess,….you don’t need to fly our airline to have him in your life. No siree. God doesn’t bring us all to him in the same way. Just as there are numerous ways to get from my house to the airport, there are numerous ways God brings us to know him. Of course, when you know God,…it’s Heavenly! I hope this Holy Week you feel God’s love for you. I, also, pray you rejoice this Easter Sunday like you successfully made it through the Known Crew Member security line….for Jesus has risen. Happy Easter, my sweet friends. God bless you all.

If you truly know me, you will know I pride myself on making my one week of vacation into at least 3 weeks off. I’ll admit. It’s definitely one of the perks of being a Skytress. Well, at least it is for me. The only downside of this system is that I eventually have to go back to work. I can’t explain it, but, the anxiety of going back to work starts to set in a few days before I have to fly. It’s been this way since I became a Skytress many years ago. Yessiree. My anxiety slowly increases as my vacation days decrease. Luckily, it’s never been as sky high as it was on my first trip as a Skytress. That anxiety was off the charts! Almost thirty – four years later I can still remember that anxious feeling. My first trip back from vacation I had a new Skyter on my crew. There was no doubt about it, he had sky high anxiety. Of course, he looked calm and collected. But, I could hear the first trip anxiety alarms going off. Fortunately for him, I have years of experience of successfully deactivating the Skytress-Skyter anxiety alarms.

You may be wondering why I would have anxiety going back to work after all these years. Heck. I wonder about this all the time. The crazy flying dreams I start to have days prior to flying could be a contributing factor. I’m certain my nonsensical flying dreams could unnerve the most stalwart crew member. I assure you the stress of commuting definitely plays havoc with my anxiety. This trip I had the added stress of knowing I would be the Skytress In-Charge. I used to fly this position all the time. These days, though, I just dabble in it. Fortunately, I would be the Skytress In-Charge on aircraft I regularly fly on. Unfortunately for everyone, especially me, I had never been the Skytress In-Charge once on these particular aircraft. Egads! In addition, I had first class meal services. Oh, boy. I haven’t had to serve meals on a plane since before Covid. Believe me….I take great pride in this statistic. I haven’t had the responsibility of counting meals and manifesting in a very long time. Counting meals and manifesting is a major pain in my backside. You would be amazed how upset passengers can get if you run out of the preferred meal choice. Yessiree. Watching adults pout over a meal can get on my last Skytress nerve. I did take comfort knowing my meal services were on my flights in and out of Bozeman, Montana. Most passengers are relatively happy going in and out of Bozeman. I did ease my meal manifesting anxiety before I left for my trip. I made a color-coded seat map of first class to make manifesting more enjoyable. It was the most artistic thing I created in my art room while I was on vacation. It wasn’t a Picasso, Rembrandt or Monet. No siree. It was an Eileen Gaffney original!

Thankfully, my elevated anxiety took a major dip when I arrived in Atlanta. I asked Ron for a penny from Heaven as I walked up the jetway. I knew a penny from Heaven would ease my anxiety. Well,…I found my penny when I walked into the gatehouse. Never underestimate the power of the Heavenly penny. Yessiree. My unsettling Skytress In-Charge stress was quickly evaporating thanks to the penny in my pocket. I, also, gave myself the ultimate pep talk as I walked to the crew lounge. I told myself I was an easygoing, effervescent Skytress In-Charge. I reminded myself I survived being in-charge on the L1011 numerous times. That airplane was a beast. More importantly, I reminded myself I was flying with a junior crew. I knew my junior crew would be ecstatic they weren’t flying in-charge. Heck. I could do almost anything and not have any one of them bat an eye.

I met Skyter J, Skyter Patrick and Skytress Akita at the gate. Skytress Akita was the one that informed me it was Skyter J’s first trip. I immediately started the process of deactivating Skyter J’s sky high anxiety. I asked him questions I knew he could answer. Confidence building is a huge deactivation tool. Next came the laughter. Laughter is an automatic anxiety reliever. I joked with Skyter J. I told him this was the perfect first trip to fly. After all, he was flying with me! I was going to be a great mentor. Yessiree. I would help ease him into his new career. Since he would be working up front with me, I told him to just greet the passengers at the boarding door. I would take care of everything else on the ground. Then I reminded him I was just coming off 24 days of vacation. Heck. The passengers would never know which one of us the was new person. Thankfully, this comment made him laugh….instead of terrifying him. Which I realize now could easily have happened.

I’ll admit. I tried my hardest to follow all the proper protocols they teach the new Skytresses and Skyters in training. Unfortunately, I reverted back to my old-set ways more than I would have liked Skyter J to see. It should be noted I actually had the PA announcement section open on my Skypro. I even started to read the announcements verbatim. Unfortunately, the printed announcement are too wordy. So, I did the old improvised Eileen announcements. They are short and sweet. They hit the high points in half the time. Heck. I am convinced the person that wrote the written announcements has never been a Skytress or Skyter……and quite possibly has never has been a passenger, either. Gee wiz. Some of the announcements are as long as some of our flights!

Mother Nature took great pity on me and Skyter J. She graciously provided us with the perfect amount of rough air. We had to start and stop our service several times. Fortunately, everyone eventually got a drink and snack. That’s all that really matters, right? The truth be told, Skyter J and I spent most of the flight strapped into our jumpseats talking. I did make an announcement when we landed in Syracuse that this was Skyter J’s first flight. I’m sure I embarrassed him. However, the Syracuse passengers couldn’t have been nicer as they deplaned and congratulated him. I hope when Skyter J reminisces about his first flight, he will remember this part of his trip most. Although, if he is anything like me, he will also remember the sky high anxiety he felt that day, too. I’m pretty sure on the scale of 1 to 10 most Skytresses and Skyters would say their first day anxiety rated an eleven. Later in the day when we were heading to Huntsville our Captain told us to remain seated the entire flight. I don’t know who was more relieved Skyter J or me. Skyter J was looking forward to our long Huntsville layover. He turned down offers to go to dinner the next day. His plan was to sleep the entire layover. He told me the last time he had felt this exhausted was when he was first in the military. Thankfully, Mother Nature once again took great pity on Skyter J. Yessiree. She provided us with severe storms for our layover. The only thing all of us could do was hunker down in our hotel rooms the entire layover.

The last day of our trip Skyter J worked in the back of the airplane. Fortunately for him, we don’t have a scheduled service in the main cabin from Huntsville to Atlanta. Of course, our flights in and out of Bozeman were considerably longer. I know Skyter J felt more comfortable knowing he didn’t have to rush through the in-flight service. I’ll admit. I felt more comfortable, too. Skyter Patrick was sitting up front with me on the last day of our trip. When I told Skyter Patrick I didn’t need any help with my first-class meal service, he enthusiastically headed back to the main cabin. I admit. I was a wee bit envious of Patrick. I wanted to enthusiastically head back there, too. Instead, I nonchalantly pulled out my my color-coded seat chart and went to work. I’m proud to report my color-coded seat chart was a game changer for me. I whipped those meals and drinks out in a flash. While the passengers were nibbling on their meals I got the galley and meal carts set up for our return flight. Alleluia! My Skytress In- Charge rhythm had finally returned in full swing. Yessiree. The passengers coming out of Bozeman would never know I had been dabbling in the Skytress In-Charge role.

The testament to a good trip is when the crew walks up the jetway laughing and chattering the entire time. I’m happy to report this was the case when we finished our trip. Skyter Patrick and Skytress Akita were going to make their commuter flights home. Skyter J had survived his first trip. His sky high anxiety was gone. Skyter J was happily talking about his next trip. He swapped his trip with Skyter Patrick and would be heading out to San Diego the next day. I was giddy. I survived being the Skytress In-Charge again. Yessiree. My pre-trip anxiety was a distant memory. I was heading to the hotel to get some sleep before my trip the next morning. I was excited for that trip. I was looking forward to the layovers. Plus, we barely had any beverage services in the main cabin. Ah yes, the main cabin. I wouldn’t be the Skytress In-Charge on that trip. Someone else would have that pleasure. Even better,….In three days I would be heading home to start another long vacation. I knew without a doubt as the vacation days dwindle my anxiety would return. However, I took solace in knowing that it wouldn’t be sky high anxiety. No siree. I’d leave the sky high anxiety for the new Skytresses and Skyters working their first official flights.

It’s time to celebrate! This is the 100th blog post of “The Rerouted Skytress”. Cue the confetti. Cue the Champagne. Cue the balloon. Cue the reroute story.

It’s fitting that the 100th blog post is a reroute story. I didn’t intend for it to be. But, somehow the Chinese government got involved and wham bam a reroute ensued.

Admittedly, my trip started off in a wonky fashion. I hung out for five hours in the crew lounge before I even signed in for my trip. Yessiree. This is the typical life of a commuter these days. Before my duty day started, I headed over to the C concourse to treat myself to a Starbucks chai tea latte. I enjoyed my tea at three gates. Without fail, every time I sat down to take a sip of my tea, the gate agent would announce a gate change for Columbus. I chuckled with each announcement. Nothing could bother me. No siree. I was going on vacation after this trip. And I would be off for 24 days.

I met the Skytress I would be flying with in the jetway. She was junior to me. As is customary to being the senior person, I got to pick whether I sat up front or in the back of the Boeing 717. I chose to start off in the front of the plane. A few minutes later our Skyter In-Charge boarded the airplane. I could immediately tell he wasn’t feeling well. I asked him if he was okay. He wasn’t. He told me he was calling scheduling to get off the trip. He thought he had food poisoning. While he was on the phone with scheduling, I informed the pilots our Skyter In-Charge was getting off the trip. They contacted the tower to let them know we had to hold off boarding passengers while we wait for a new crew member. I used the extra time to set up the galley for the beverage services and to make sure everything was in order for our new flight leader.

Our new Skytress In-Charge was frazzled when she showed up to the gate. She was moments away from finishing up her standby window when she got called to cover our trip. Yessiree. She was anticipating going home….not going on a three-day trip. Fortunately, she had a great sense of humor. We both laughed as she tried to settle herself into the Skytress In-Charge mode. A short time later we laughed even harder after I had to unstrap my jumpseat harness and stand up while we were in a steep ascent to close the cockpit door. Yep…the cockpit door unexpectedly flew open on takeoff. Skytress Lala and I tried feverishly to close the door while we were strapped into our harnesses. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get enough force to slam the reinforced door closed. So, I went with the next logical option. I stood up to get more momentum to close the door. Fortunately, it worked. Even more fortunate,…I didn’t end up with an OJI. There was no doubt about it. This trip was definitely starting off in a wonky fashion.

I was excited when we arrived at our hotel in Little Rock. How could I not be? This is the hotel with the nightlights that pop on when your feet touch the floor. As you know, ….It’s one of my favorite hotel room features ever! I did laugh when I entered my hotel room and discovered my automatic nightlights didn’t work. It was par for the day. I eventually settled down and watched a Dateline program about a murderous police chase in my hometown of Butte, MT. Then I stayed up and watched the news. The big news story was on the Chinese spy balloon. Ironically, the balloon had floated over Montana earlier in the day. Of course, the Chinese government said it was a weather balloon. No one believed them. Egads! It would have been more believable if the Chinese government said it was a great big “celebration” balloon they were sending over in anticipation of my 100th blog post. I mean, I would have believed it. The hundredth blog post is a pretty big deal.

The next day we flew back to Atlanta. The second day of our trip was humming along as scheduled. Yeah for us! We were getting ready to board the airplane to fly to Myrtle Beach when the Captain came out of the cockpit to inform us we were on a ground hold. Oh, no. Boo for us! The Chinese balloon was now over the coast of South Carolina and the U.S. military had been ordered to shoot it down. No commercial aircraft were allowed to be in the airspace while this operation was occurring. I was shocked when the Captain said the balloon had been spotted flying over St. louis during its travels. Heck. I was starting to think the balloon quite possibly could be a gift for my 100th blog post. The evidence was mounting that the Chinese government was really trying to find me. Let’s review, shall we? First it flew over Montana….my birth place. Then it flew over St. Louis….my home. Now it was over Myrtle Beach….where I was currently heading. Of course, I kept my balloon theory to myself. There was still a high probability the balloon was indeed a spy balloon. Anyway, I didn’t want to be the reason the U.S. military was now conducting a much anticipated military operation. No siree. I kept mum. Instead, I took advantage of the ground hold and went to get something to eat.

The ground hold to Myrtle Beach lasted so long our pilots timed out. Our new pilots arrived just prior to the ground hold being lifted. We Skytresses knew we wouldn’t make it back from Myrtle Beach in time to work our flight to Charlotte. We surmised we would have a domicile layover in Atlanta then pick up the remainder of our trip the following day. When we eventually landed in Myrtle Beach the agents told us about the ground hold on their end. They told us our airline’s flight from New York to Myrtle Beach touched down then immediately four military planes took off. I’ll admit. I was a wee bit envious I wasn’t sitting out the ground hold in Myrtle Beach. That would have been a sight to see four fighter jets taking off in tandem.

We had no longer started boarding the flight back to Atlanta when I noticed we had been rerouted. Instead of going to Charlotte, we were now going to sit for two hours in Atlanta then work a flight to Richmond. Unfortunately, we would be laying over in Richmond and not Atlanta as we had hoped. Then I noticed we were going to finish the last day of our trip eight hours past our original release time. Say, what? My crew and I were flabbergasted! I quickly searched our work rules. I didn’t like what I read. Unfortunately, it was perfectly legal for Crew Reroute to do this to us. Although, I’m sure the people in Crew Reroute would agree it was a nasty reroute, nonetheless. I’ll admit. I was not only mad at Crew Reroute, I was mad at the Chinese government and their spy balloon for putting us in this situation in the first place. Egads! I looked at our reroute again in disbelief. It was then I noticed we were scheduled to land back in Atlanta from Richmond at our original release time. I wondered aloud to my crew why we couldn’t be released then, instead of working an additional flight to Minneapolis and back. I told my crew I was going to reach out to Crew Assist and see if they could help us. I figured we had nothing to lose at that point. I quickly typed a message to them before we had to close the boarding door. I pleaded our case as best as I could. I was determined to think only positive thoughts as we took off. I received a response from Ben in Crew Assist after we reached our cruising altitude. He said he was looking at our rotation and would contact Crew Reroute. I continued to think positively. I’ll admit. I even imagined Ron sitting in reroute Heaven working his magic. We finished our beverage service and I still hadn’t received a response from Ben. Out of habit, I looked at our rotation on my airline phone. I stared at our rotation closely to make sure I was reading it properly. Alleluia! Ben and Ron had worked their magic. We had a new reroute! We would work the flight from Richmond to Atlanta the next afternoon. Then we would be released to go home. We were ecstatic. Minutes later I received a message from Ben confirming our updated rotation. I profusely thanked Ben again for his assistance on behalf of our crew. Then I happily returned to my Skytress duties. I walked through the cabin picking up trash with a huge smile on my face. When I got to the back of the airplane I looked out the window. I was in complete awe. I was looking at the most glorious sunset I have seen in a very long time. I pointed my camera out the window and took several photos. I smiled and chuckled to myself. The photos I took immediately reminded me of the photo Ron had texted me once. Yessiree. It’s the photograph I chose to use at the top of “The Rerouted Skytress” blog when I was setting up my first blog post.

I can’t believe I’ve written 100 blog posts. I know for many bloggers this number will seem minuscule. But, for me, it’s something to celebrate. I remember the day I posted my first blog. I had no idea what I was doing. If the truth be told, I still don’t. Still, I am proud of the fact that I decided I wanted to start a blog and actually did it. I’m fast approaching my three-year anniversary, too. I know I am not the typical blogger. I don’t promote by blog for the masses to read it. My publishing schedule is not typical, either. I post when I have time and when the spirit moves me. I’m sure it can be confusing at times for you my sweet readers. But, just think of it as my blog surprise from me to you. I know many of you started reading my blog from the get go. Those were the days of the weekly blog posts during the height of Covid. We all pretty much had nothing but time during those early days, didn’t we? I want to thank you for still reading as our lives have become more busy and more challenging. I’ll admit. Writing and posting my blog has become more challenging, too. However, I still absolutely enjoy writing it. I hope you all still enjoy reading it, too. I remember writing in my first blog that, “a flight without any passengers is still a flight. A blog without any readers is still a blog”. I know I’d write even if I was the only one reading it. However, I’m thrilled this isn’t always the case. Your support and encouragement fuels me. I cannot thank you all enough for this. I, also , cannot thank you enough for taking precious time out of your lives to read my little blog. It truly means the world to me. Reading a hundred blog posts is quite an accomplishment on your part. Kudos to us all for making it to this milestone. Let’s celebrate! Cue the confetti. Cue the champagne. Cue the balloon. Please don’t cue the Chinese government balloon though. I’ll admit. I may be The Rerouted Skytress …however, The Rerouted Skytress most definitely can do without the reroute stress for awhile.

The other day I was in the aisle serving beverages to a row of passengers. The gentleman sitting on the aisle behind the row I was serving started taking items off my beverage cart. My inner Skytress voice was screaming, “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Or I swear I am going to ram my beverage cart into your knee!”. My Rerouted Skytress blogger inner-voice calmly said, “I’m going to write a blog about things passengers do that tick Skytresses and Skyters off”. Immediately after the beverage service, I stood in the galley and feverishly wrote down a list of things passengers do that drive us absolutely bonkers. Incredibly, I ran out of paper long before I ran out of complaints we have about passengers. I am certain my Skytress sisters and Skyter brothers could add numerous more items to my list. However, since this is a blog…and not a novel….I’ll just highlight a few of the biggest irritations. If any of you are guilty of doing any of these things, on behalf of Skytresses and Skyters worldwide, “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!”

Skytresses and Skyters can collectively agree one of our biggest passenger pet peeve’s is when passengers don’t take out their ear buds when we are trying to serve them. I think the majority of passengers are well aware of this passenger complaint. Even those passengers who are perpetual ear bud offenders. Thus, I will move on to the lesser known passenger complaints.

Let’s start in the gatehouse. Please don’t clap when your crew arrives at the gate at the last minute. We loathe this response. Let me repeat this….We LOATHE this response! Usually we arrive late to the gate because we have been rerouted at the last minute. Typically it’s an ugly reroute. Thus, we aren’t happy about working your flight. Or we are running late due to weather delays or mechanical issues. More times than not, we have lost the one opportunity of our day to get something to eat or use a regular restroom. We completely understand passengers are happy we arrived. However, the clapping seems more like an insult to us….like we have been lollygagging about the airport and finally decided to come work your flight. Egads! Honestly, we much prefer having to take the crew van and schlep our bags up the spiked staircase than encounter clapping passengers.

Please say, “Hello” to your crew when you board the airplane. At least please say, “Hello” to me. Yessiree. I completely understand passengers are preoccupied, at times disoriented, quite possibly distraught when they step on board the aircraft. However, when we make eye contact as you cross the threshold and I say, “Hello” please don’t give me…or any Skytress or Skyter the silent treatment. I admit. This lack of response gets under my skin. Heck. I’ll even say, “Hello” louder just to make sure the passenger hears me. Silly, I know. Ron was well aware of this personal pet peeve of mine. When I was flying with Ron and passengers would ignore my greeting, Ron would turn to me and say, “Hello” just to make me laugh. Of course, it always worked.

For Pete’s sake don’t be the passenger that comes on the airplane early in the morning and immediately heads to the lavatory to poop. There! I said it on behalf of Skytresses and Skyters everywhere! I’ll admit. We have all been there when our bodies have failed us miserably at the worst time. Especially while on the airplane. Well, except for one Skyter who was adamant that he would never poo on the airplane no matter what. No. I’m referring to the passenger who has his…yes, I said HIS…because let’s be real here…it is usually a male passenger…has his airplane pooping routine. This passenger unabashedly boards the airplane first. Then promptly proceeds to the back lavatory to poop. Yessiree. They are professional passenger poopers. They turn a perfectly pleasant morning into a sh*# show. While I am on the topic of lavatories, please close the lavatory door after using it. I cannot tell you how many passengers just leave the door wide open after exiting the lavatories. I completely understand how perplexing opening some of the airplane lavatory doors can be for some passengers. Some doors need to be pulled open. Some doors need to be pushed open. Other doors have a doorknob than need to be turned to open the door. The struggle is real. The amusement on your Skytress’ and Skyter’s faces is also real as we watch this all unfold. However, our smiles quickly fade when passengers walk out of the lavatories with no intention of closing the door behind them. Gee wiz. Closing the lavatory doors is the easiest part of the lavatory experience. Don’t leave this simple chore for your crew to do. We are tired of being your doormen and women.

Some of life’s best sleep occurs while on the airplane. An airplane power nap is unlike any other nap. Simply said, it’s glorious. Do not deny another person this restful experience. I beg of you…Do not wake a sleeping seat mate. I promise to bring a drink and snack to them if they wake up. Oh, how I cringe when passengers poke their sleeping traveling companions. Even worse is when they poke a passenger that isn’t their traveling companion. My unscientific research tells me it is usually the person sitting in the middle seat that is the passenger poker. I believe it is their diabolical revenge for having to sit in the middle seat. The passenger poker is typically the same person who blurts out their order when I am obviously asking the person by the window what they would like to drink. Interestingly, they will also shout out their snack preference first, too. Oh, yes. They are the dreaded rhythm busters. Astute passengers can clearly see Skytresses and Skyters have a rhythm to their service. Row rhythm busters are oblivious to this fact. Their rhythm busting causes chaos when it comes to remembering drink and snack orders. When you see your Skytress or Skyter struggling to remember a drink or snack order, you can almost be assured they have recently encountered a rhythm busting passenger. Please don’t be a rhythm buster! Don’t be an airplane knucklehead, either. What is an airplane knucklehead? Well, it’s the passenger in the back of the airplane that jumps out of their seat and grabs their luggage out of the overhead bin before the seatbelt sign is barely extinguished. I admire their enthusiasm. I truly do. However, everyone knows these passenger are going nowhere fast because… THEY ARE IN THE BACK OF THE AIRPLANE! Airplane knuckleheads are also the passengers that tell the pilot it was an awful landing as they deplane. These landing critics could care less about wind shears, a short runway, or a slow taxing aircraft ahead that forced a less than stellar landing. Nope. All they care is that their bums jostled in their seats when we touched down. I usually tell the pilots these passengers should be happy I wasn’t the one landing the airplane. We’d hit the runway so hard everyone’s heads and bums would become one body part.

Another comment that simply baffles Skytresses and Skyters is, “Oh it is?” This is the typical passengers response when we remind them the seatbelt sign is on due to severe turbulence. Obviously, the passenger’s first clue really should have been when the Captain made a PA asking everyone, including the crew, to take their seats and fasten their seatbelts due to rough air. The second, third and fourth clues should have been when the Skytresses and Skyters continuously repeated the seatbelt PA. The last clue should have been seeing the Skytresses and Skyters sitting on their jumpseats wearing their harnesses. I’ll admit. Usually we roll our eyes and sigh deeply to show our displeasure at these passengers. Of course, since we are professionals, we do this behind the passenger’s back.

I fear I may get some major eye rolls from you, my sweet readers, if I don’t wrap up this blog post. Amazingly, I have barely touched my passenger complaint list. Rest assured. I will return to this topic again. I believe it’s my civic duty to make people aware of Skytress and Skyter passenger complaints. Yessiree. Skytresses and Skyters need to level the playing field. After all, passengers are very vocal with their airline complaints. And they are not shy to voice these complaints directly to our faces either. Which I might add…is high on our list of….passenger complaints!

There are several memes on Pinterest that make me chuckle every time I see them. There is an image of a gold Oscar next to an airplane window. The words in each meme are, “And the Oscar goes to your flight attendant…..for acting like…”. Each meme has a funny relatable comment that follows. In my head I add a few witty comments myself. Such as,… “And the Oscar goes to your flight attendant…..for acting calm when you tell her you don’t want ice in your drink AFTER you silently sat there watching her put ice in your cup and pour your drink. Or, “And the Oscar goes to your flight attendant ….for acting like she has never heard the witty comment,… ‘I’ll have the steak and she will have the lobster’…when she comes to your row to serve you a beverage”. Ideally though, Skytresses and Skyters should get an Oscar for all the times we act like a pilot. Acting like pilots has come in handy numerous times in my career. There are even days when I remind myself to act like a pilot. Unfortunately, the other day I forgot. So the Oscar went to someone else.

When I woke up in Fort Myers on January 10th, I lifted my phone off the night stand and learned from the Weather Channel that there was a FAA ground stop due to a system outage. Egads! I’ll admit. I groaned a wee bit. I did stop shy of cursing. Heck. It wasn’t our go home day. I try to keep the cursing for when things go wrong on our go home day. Instead, bleary-eyed me looked at our rotation to see what this stoppage meant for me and my crew. I quickly learned we would be departing the hotel an hour later than scheduled. I could hear the cleaning ladies circling outside my hotel room. I was convinced if I opened my door the housekeeper would have sashayed into the room with her vacuum. I knew I needed to alert the authorities to give the command for the housekeepers to retreat for another hour. So, I called the ultimate authorities. Yessiree. I called down to the hotel front desk. Remarkably, while staying at this hotel I have had several scheduled pickup times changed for a later departure time. The hotel has always been accommodating changing our check out time. Just like previous trips, I called down to the front desk to let them know we would be departing an hour later than scheduled. Shockingly, the gentleman at the front desk told us we would need to check out at our regular time. Huh?! I was flabbergasted when he told me this. The gentleman explained we were more than welcome to hang out in the hotel lobby or hotel restaurants until our crew van arrived. However, housekeeping needed to turn our rooms around because they were completely booked for the evening. I immediately regretted calling the front desk. I knew I should have just told my crew to meet in the lobby an hour later than our original pick-up time and never involve the hotel guy. Heck, if housekeeping knocked on our doors I’d inform them we would be checking out in an hour. By the time they got things figured out at their end, we would be sitting in the van heading to the airport. Long story short, though, my crew and I went down to the lobby at our original pickup time. Don’t feel too bad for us, though. We drank tea and talked for an hour. Ah yes. These are two of our Skytress super powers. One of our pilots was sitting in the restaurant when we came down. He told us that he saw our pickup time had changed. Unlike us, he didn’t call anyone. Nope. He just went to lunch at a later time and then went upstairs to get ready for pickup. The Captain did the same. My Skytress In-Charge and I jokingly said we should have acted like the pilots. No one at the hotel questioned why the pilots were still in their rooms. Ah, yes. Lesson learned.

The first time I learned acting like a pilot was a beneficial skill, happened while I was on a layover in Shreveport. My crew and I had one of the hotel shuttle drivers take us to a local restaurant. After eating a delightful meal, we called the hotel to have a shuttle driver come pick us up. The gal at the front desk told us she would radio the shuttle driver. My crew and I stood outside the restaurant and waited for the driver to come. And we waited. Yessiree. We waited outside the restaurant for an inordinate amount of time. We laughed and joked that gal at the front desk never told any of the drivers to pick us up because we were just Skytresses and Skyters. Of course, we decided to call the hotel again. This time I had the Skyter on our crew call and tell the gal at the front desk he was a Captain that needed a ride back to the hotel. A few minutes later another shuttle driver pulled up to the restaurant. While we were riding back to the hotel, the gal at the front desk radioed the driver. She informed him in an uncaring voice there were some Skytresses and Skyters that needed to be picked up. We all looked at each other and laughed. The driver was confused when we told him the Skytresses and Skyters were already in the shuttle. He did laughed along with us when we told him we acted like pilots so the hotel gal would send him immediately to pick us up. Ah, yes. When a pilot talks, people listen. Needless to say, I have reprised the roll of a pilot numerous times since that layover. Each time it has been an Oscar winning performance!

Ron and I used to chuckle every time he would get mistaken for a pilot. The truth be told, there aren’t too many six-foot three Skyters at our airline or any airline for that matter. When Ron was traveling out of uniform other pilots would notice his crew bags and ask him what type of equipment he flew. Ron would reply, “I fly them all”. After they would give them a quizzical look he would smile and tell them he wasn’t a pilot, he was a Skyter. On several occasions when Ron and I were flying together, the pilots weren’t able to stand at the cockpit door to say goodbye to the passengers. Ron would stand at the cockpit door because he was the Skyter In-Charge. Passengers would look at Ron and tell him “Great landing” or “Thanks Captain”. Ron would nod his head and say, “Thank you”. After the passengers stepped off the airplane we would look at each other and crack up. Yessiree. Ron had no problem acting like a pilot. Boy, I wish I had an Oscar to give to him.

I was flying with Ron’s friend, Skip one day. We went to get barbecue on our Syracuse layover. We didn’t realize there was a marathon happening that day. So,when we arrived at the restaurant it was packed. People were fighting for a place to sit. Skip had his airline baseball cap on. The sea of people parted when they noticed Skip’s hat. Skip and I got two prime seats at the bar to eat our meal. As people struggled to get the bartenders attention, they all wanted to know if Skip was a pilot for our airline. He told each person that he was better than a pilot. He told them he was a Skyter. No one believed him. I guess Skip just naturally acted like a pilot. I didn’t say anything to the inquisitive people. Heck. We got served quicker than other patrons. Being mistaken for a pilot definitely has it’s perks.

Needless to say, I have been observing pilots for 33 years. I’ll admit. Dating, Captain Pilot, gave me a better understanding of how pilots act on and off the airplane. They are decisive. They are direct in their communication. They always have a plan. And a backup plan to their primary plan. Rarely does anyone question them while they are in uniform. Even when they aren’t in uniform, no one questions them when they tell people they are a pilot. I call it Pilot Power. Thankfully, I’ve learned acting like a pilot can be just as powerful. The only downside to being a pilot…..they are absolutely helpless in the airplane galley. Still I hold out hope that one day we hear, “The Oscar goes to the pilot for…acting like a Skytress or Skyter and figuring out where the cups and sodas are located in the galley.” Yessiree. If Pinterest truly understands the job of a pilot, I know they already have a meme about this!

If you thought I’d be ready to go back flying after being on vacation for almost a month, you’d be completely wrong. Heck, I was just starting to get my vacation rhythm down. Unbelievably, my vacation ended before I could even watch one episode of, “Emily In Paris”. Egads!

My first few days on vacation were not great. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was having periodic sharp chest pains and unusual stress headaches. I remember thinking as I pulled into the driveway one night that I hoped I didn’t have a stroke or heart attack while I was on vacation. Just as I was thinking this, I hit the side of the garage with my Suburban. Yessiree. I sure did! Amazingly, I didn’t have a stroke or heart attack when I saw the damage to my Suburban and to the house. I’ll readily admit, my ego took a severe hit. When I found out the first appointment for getting my car fixed would be February 6th, I called my insurance agent. I was gobsmasked the first appointment would be TWO months away! My agent told me this was the new normal. When I said the dealership estimated 45 days for the car to be fixed, she explained this was the new normal, too. Ouch! I’m not a fan of the new normal. Upon reflection, I vow to be a more cautious driver. Especially around garages.

Christmas lights and Christmas decorations eventually pulled me out of my bah humbug mood. My holiday spirit meter surged in the right direction with a couple inches of snow, too. I quickly forgot about fixing my Suburban. Instead I decided to whip up a Yule log. The fact that I had never baked one didn’t deter me. Heck, I figured enough frosting could hide a multitude of Yule log baking mistakes. I even made Swedish chocolate balls called Chokladbollar to go around the Yule log. Upon reflection, I believe Ron had a heavenly hand in this matter. When I went on to Pinterest to find a Yule log recipe, I saw the Chokladbollar recipe. Yessiree. Ron was definitely sending me his Swedish vibes from Heaven. I’m thrilled to report both the Yule log and the Chokladbollar were amazingly delicious.

My vacation had sweet doses of childlike wonder sprinkled throughout it. Several times I found myself standing at my front door gleefully shouting, “Merry Christmas”. I didn’t just shout this randomly out into the winter night. Although, upon reflection, I may just do this exact thing next year. No. I shouted, “Merry Christmas” to the people passing by spreading holiday cheer to our neighborhood. One night we had a Jeep parade go up the street. Each Jeep was completely covered from bumper to bumper, roof to undercarriage, with Christmas lights. The drivers tooted their horns while their passengers shouted out, “Merry Christmas”. This merriment made me feel all warm and giddy inside. The next night the fire department paraded down the street with Santa riding on one of the fire trucks wishing everyone Merry Christmas. The flashing lights and the happy sirens of the ambulances, fire trucks and Fire Chiefs Suburbans was something to behold. Yessiree. It was utterly….joyful! I was even joyful when I ran into my friends early one morning when I looked like a complete wreck. Yessiree. I rolled out of bed, threw my clothes on from the day prior, brushed my teeth and headed to the post office. I was extremely proud of myself for getting up early and missing the post office Christmas mailing rush. So, I decided I’d treat myself to a tea from our local restaurant. Upon further reflection, I should have just driven directly home from the post office. Yessiree. Everyone knows you will absolutely run into people you know when you look your absolute worst. I guess I was hoping for a Christmas miracle to not run into anyone I knew that morning. I’m sure Santa is still Ho Ho Ho-ing about this encounter. I know I am. You’ll be happy to know I looked a million times better when I had lunch a few days later with my Skytress friend, Cindy. Heck, I even wore Christmas tree earrings. I haven’t worn Christmas earrings since I was a young Skytress flying the holidays. “O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, Such pleasure do you bring me”

I know it wasn’t pleasurable for many people flying this holiday season. Especially for the Southwest passengers and crews. I’ll admit. I was relieved I wasn’t flying while the Southwest Airlines meltdown was happening. Heck. I even tried to avoid all the press about the meltdown. Unfortunately, several of my friends weren’t so lucky. They got caught in the meltdown. They eventually rented cars to get home to Baltimore and Sarasota. Interestingly enough, they all stopped at Buc-ees on their drive home. So, upon reflection, I like to think they all won in the long run.

Sadly, all was not merry and bright this vacation. Two dear family friends passed away before Christmas. One friend, Mary Dawn, was a dear family friend from Butte, Montana. Our other friend, Danny, was an amazing friend from St. Louis. Danny owned an optical shop. He picked out all my fabulous eyeglasses. A Skytress I met once in the crew lounge restroom in Atlanta flew up to St. Louis just have Danny pick out her eyewear. Danny and I laughed about this recently when I went to pick out my new eyeglasses. Of course, it took Danny mere minutes to pick out the perfect new glasses for me. Then we spent another hour just sitting and talking. Upon reflection, I know if I had sat longer with Danny, it wouldn’t have been long enough. I can’t help but think Heaven is sure getting crowed with some of God’s best people.

Heaven also gained one of the sweetest dogs ever a couple days ago. My sister’s family dog, Charlie went to Heaven on December 29th. It’s been bitter sweet reflecting about Charlie and what a joy he brought all of us. My sister’s family got a new puppy a week before Charlie went to Heaven. The puppy’s name is George. We all call him Georgie. He is named after my Dad. My Dad’s name is George. Charlie was named after Charlie Brown from Peanuts. But, was he really? My Mom used to call my Dad, Charlie. I guess a case can be made that both of my sister’s dogs are named after my Dad. I know without doubt Charlie the dog is with Charlie my Dad in Heaven. What a blessing for them and for us that the two Charlie’s are together.

I know I was blessed to be off most of the month of December. Believe me. I constantly reflect upon this fact. Admittedly, I’m trying hard to make this month long vacation a holiday tradition. Heck. I’m already excited for next December. Yessiree. I already have new ideas for Christmas decorations and Christmas recipes. I’ll definitely need a month of vacation to implement all my Christmas ideas. Of course, this time next year I’ll lament about having to go back to work, too. It’s never easy to go back flying when my vacation rhythm is really starting to hum. Thankfully this year my first layover was in Little Rock. You all know my love for the hotel in Little Rock. They have the lights that automatically come on when your feet touch the floor! I guess it will be no surprise to you all, my sweet readers,….when I retire, I will reflect upon this hotel fondly. Not as fondly as reflecting about all my vacation time off. But, fondly enough.

I received a frantic call this morning from Santa Claus. Santa and I are life-long friends. How could we not be? We both love snow. We are cookie connoisseurs. Our favorite color is red. Our chosen profession is in aviation. I do work a few more days out of the year than Santa….but, barely. Ho! Ho! Ho! You may think Santa was frantic because Christmas is just a few days away and it’s crunch time at the North Pole. If you thought this you’d be wrong. Santa’s Christmas system is the envy of Amazon. Santa was frantic because I haven’t posted my annual ornaments blog….and it’s almost Christmas. Kris Kringle!! I’ve been so busy making gumdrop cookies, homemade marshmallows and getting ingredients for making a Yule log I almost forgot about my blog! Well, I can’t disappoint my friend Santa. Especially so close to Christmas. So here are the ornaments that made the “Oh My Ornaments” 2022 list. There were many more that I added to my collection this year. I didn’t want to end up on Santa’s naughty list, so I kept the 2022 list rather short. Merry Christmas!

I may have a serious Charleston Christmas ornament problem. I admit. I have several Charleston ornaments. I bought this ornament on my last layover. It depicts the houses on Rainbow Row. I simply adore it. I can’t wait to go back to Charleston to purchase another Christmas ornament. Don’t worry. Every Charleston ornament gets Santa’s seal of approval.

Instead of sweating in Athens in July, I went to Burlington. I happily spent way too much money. More importantly, I discovered maple lattes are beyond delicious. Yessiree. It was a challenge to find a Christmas ornament in July. But, I accepted the challenge and I prevailed!

You all know how apprehensive I was to go to Knoxville. Thankfully, I knew Ron was with me the whole time. I guess it’s appropriate I got an ornament of the Henley Street Bridge. I needed to cross the bridge of grief associated with Knoxville. It’s still not the easiest city for me to travel to. But, it was a step in the right direction.

I didn’t make it to Mount Rushmore on my Rapid City layover. However, I did visit Mount Rushmore when I was younger and my family was traveling back to Montana. Unbelievably, I wasn’t into collecting Christmas ornaments back then. I guess you can call this a long overdue purchase.

I was delirious to be back in my home state of Montana this spring. So delirious I bought Christmas ornaments at every stop. My brown glass blown ornament from Glacier National Park is exquisite in it’s simplicity. The whimsical bear ornaments from Glacier and Whitefish make me chuckle every time I spy them on the tree. Yessiree. These three ornaments from Montana are “beary” special to me. Ho! Ho! Ho! I know Santa’s belly shook like a bowl full of jelly with that comment. I hope it filled your heart with merriment, too. Merry Christmas my sweet friends. See you in 2023!

Every Skytress and Skyter knows a hotel can make or break a layover. Hotel amenities, hotel location and hotel decor can tip the scales in one direction or the other. We do have a hotel committee that is responsible for picking out our layover hotels. I know there are numerous criteria that go into their hotel selection for each layover city. I, too have my criteria for a layover hotel. My mental checklist is activated as soon as we pull up to a hotel property. Yessiree. I’m constantly checking out my surroundings while we are checking-in.

I definitely get a feel for a hotel as soon as I walk into the lobby. We used to layover in a hotel in Panama City, Florida, that had more ceiling fans in the main lobby than are hanging in Home Depot. The lobby, also, had mirrored walls. So, the fans multiplied exponentially. Most people would think they were having a stroke. Not me. I broke out in laughter. I knew if the lobby was this bizarre, the hotel room had to be something to behold. And it was. The bathroom was something one had to experience to truly be horrified and humored at the same time. I kid you not. The shower was blood red. There was, also, a matching red phone in the bathroom. Crew members joked about this hotel for years. It was much like the layover hotel in Flint, Michigan. Crews were baffled by this layover hotel, too. Many times the hotel staff would give us the up-graded rooms with the jacuzzis. Although I truly appreciated their thoughtfulness, I would always request a guest room without the jacuzzi. I couldn’t sleep with a time-worn yellowed jacuzzi tub positioned three feet from my bed. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop laughing at the site of it. Yessiree. It, too, was horrifying and humorous at the same time. Not surprisingly, there are numerous layover hotel bathroom designs that are head-scratching confusing. Heck. I’ve stayed in hotel rooms at our layover hotel in Tallahassee where the bathroom is completely open to the rest of the room. Of course, there are slider doors guests can pull together to enclose the bathroom. However, the doors are usually pushed back into the walls when you first enter the room. I always pull the slider doors out. Otherwise, it’s just weird to look at the exposed bathroom. The bathroom at our layover hotel in Phoenix has a door that closes off the toilet and showered area. Unfortunately, the room is exceptionally small. Yessiree. One basically has to straddle the toilet to close the door. The bathroom sink is located smack-dab in the bedroom area. It’s inches away from the tv. I am always dumbfounded by this placement. If guests are traveling with another person, they must watch them floss and brush their teeth, wash their face, shave, put on makeup, blow dry their hair….whatever the case may be. There is no privacy while using the sink. The sink area is surrounded by carpet, too. This design feature gives me the heebie-jeebies. Oddly enough, though, I don’t actually mind this layover hotel. The front suite area has a nice refrigerator, microwave and sink area. Fun fact…Skytresses, Skyters, and Pilots relish hotel rooms with these amenities.

I do have a few other hotel pet peeve’s…..musty smelling hotel rooms….insufficient amount of hangers…..insufficient outlets, especially, near the bed….no clocks in the room, or clocks that are set wrong and cannot be changed by the hotel guest….thin bath towels….poor flushing toilets…toilets that flush so loud guests three floor down or three floors up can hear the flush…toilets that run continuously after flushing…sinks that are too low for even me…pedestal sinks…sinks with minimal surface area to place makeup and toiletry items…..window heating/air conditioning units…..beds with obvious indentations on the side by the nightstand…..adjoining rooms when you don’t know who’s adjoining on the other side of the door….and finally my biggest pet peeve…..bathrooms with poor lighting. I’m convinced ugly men design these particular bathrooms. Or else it’s their maniacal way of getting back at women. I cannot count the number of trips where Skytresses, including myself, had to ask another Skytress en-route to the airport, how our makeup looked. Poor lighting can cause one to apply too much or too little makeup. Either way, the results can be downright frightful for others.

The new hotel trend is boutique hotels. My creative souls adores these hotels. They are hip and eclectic. The decor is unique and refreshing. It’s definitely a refreshing change to the typical hotel chains. I don’t even mind having to search the light fixtures to find the light switches. I think of it as the modern day version of “Button-Button…..where’s the button?” I look all around wondering if I am getting “hotter” or “colder” when it comes to finding the light switch. The one downside of boutique hotels is the lack of regular irons. Regular irons are apparently old school. Boutique hotels are new and trendy. So, they have steamers instead of irons. Egads! I’m not a fan of steamers. I inevitably steam my hands as much as I steam my clothes. I’m all for new and hip. But, I’m also all for….a crisp pressed uniform. Interestingly, I’m less mad if my hotel room doesn’t have an iron and ironing board than I am if it has a steamer. What can I say? I guess I have a very complicated creative soul.

Boutique hotels are at one end of the spectrum. At the other end are old historic hotels. They are usually quirky in their own right. Trying to fit a modern guest room in an old building can be quite tricky. I’ve been in rooms where I had to shimmy around the furniture because there was barely enough room for the bed. In addition, I’ve stood in showers that were smaller than a public bathroom stall. Mostly, I feel compelled to sleep with lights on in these older hotels. Yessiree. I have the unsettling feeling I’m never quite alone in my room. I was so unnerved when I first walked into my room on my Syracuse layover, I slept with all the lights on. I’ve recently learned I am not the only person that has had these unsettling feelings while staying at this hotel. Yessiree. Several crew members have told me they, too, had an eerie feeling that someone else was checking them out….while they were checking in!

I never sleep with the lights on at our layover hotel in Little Rock. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but, it bares repeating. This hotel has my ultimate creature comfort. Yessiree. The light under the nightstand pops on when it senses my feet moving towards the floor. It is simply genius! Our layover hotel in Charleston also shines brightly with it’s lighting features. Yessiree. There are labeled light switches by the head of both beds that control all the lights in the room…..including the bathroom. Again….genius! I’ll admit. I was smitten by the chandelier in the hotel room. It just oozed southern charm. Even more charming…There was a proper wooden handled umbrella in the armoire for the guest’s use. Never in my 33-years of being a Skytress have I ever had wood-handled umbrella in my hotel closet. Now that’s downright southern hospitality. It would be rude of me not to mention my delectable bed. So I will mention it. The most genteel southern belle would squeal with delight at the sight of this bed. This Montanan gal did, too. My bed was so comfortable I didn’t end up sleeping parallel with the headboard during the night. This may sound odd to you my sweet readers. However, Ron used to joke about me doing this all the time. He was bewildered how I could start off sleeping straight, then end up parallel with the headboard when I woke up. Heck. It bewilders me. However, at this layover hotel, I barely moved an inch. I do declare. It was more Heavenly than the Heavenly beds at the Westin Hotels.

I don’t mean to be vain when I say this….but, I love hotels that have vanity mirrors in the bathroom. I prefer the vanity mirrors that are on the countertop as opposed to the wall mounted mirrors. Admittedly, it’s a small personal preference. In bathrooms with poor lighting I can maneuver the mirror to catch the proper makeup application lighting. The older I get the more I appreciate a good vanity mirror in my hotel room. Especially the magnified side. I’ll admit. My eyesight isn’t as good as it used to be when I was a young Skytress. Heck. Even when I was a young Skytress it wasn’t perfect. But, it was perfect enough to pass my airline’s eye test! Ron also appreciated a good vanity mirror. Once Ron was in St. Louis on a layover. I was in Sarasota. He texted me a picture of the vanity mirror in his hotel room. He really liked it. I laughed and texted him a picture of the vanity mirror in my hotel room. Ron told me he wanted to take his mirror with him. Only that would be stealing. He couldn’t do that. Although, he admittedly took a magnet on several occasions from the Hyatt hotels to use on the refrigerator at home. I surprised Ron with a vanity mirror one day. I told him it might not be the exact style as the one on the bathroom counter on his St. Louis layover. But, it was bought in St. Louis which is practically the same thing!

My criteria for a great layover hotel has changed throughout my Skytress career. Just when I think I have seen it all, I haven’t. Whether that be for the better or for the worse. I’m constantly amending my layover hit and miss lists. I’ll admit. I’ve avoided trips because of layover hotels. Conversely, I’ve bid layovers specifically for the hotels. One constant remains though. I will continue to check out things when I’m checking in. Another constant…..I’ll be sure to report back when a layover hotel exceeds or fails my expectations. Hopefully, there will be more exceptional hotels than awful hotels. But, being I am The Rerouted Skytress, one can never truly know.