The Rerouted Skytress

The other day I was in the aisle serving beverages to a row of passengers. The gentleman sitting on the aisle behind the row I was serving started taking items off my beverage cart. My inner Skytress voice was screaming, “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Or I swear I am going to ram my beverage cart into your knee!”. My Rerouted Skytress blogger inner-voice calmly said, “I’m going to write a blog about things passengers do that tick Skytresses and Skyters off”. Immediately after the beverage service, I stood in the galley and feverishly wrote down a list of things passengers do that drive us absolutely bonkers. Incredibly, I ran out of paper long before I ran out of complaints we have about passengers. I am certain my Skytress sisters and Skyter brothers could add numerous more items to my list. However, since this is a blog…and not a novel….I’ll just highlight a few of the biggest irritations. If any of you are guilty of doing any of these things, on behalf of Skytresses and Skyters worldwide, “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!”

Skytresses and Skyters can collectively agree one of our biggest passenger pet peeve’s is when passengers don’t take out their ear buds when we are trying to serve them. I think the majority of passengers are well aware of this passenger complaint. Even those passengers who are perpetual ear bud offenders. Thus, I will move on to the lesser known passenger complaints.

Let’s start in the gatehouse. Please don’t clap when your crew arrives at the gate at the last minute. We loathe this response. Let me repeat this….We LOATHE this response! Usually we arrive late to the gate because we have been rerouted at the last minute. Typically it’s an ugly reroute. Thus, we aren’t happy about working your flight. Or we are running late due to weather delays or mechanical issues. More times than not, we have lost the one opportunity of our day to get something to eat or use a regular restroom. We completely understand passengers are happy we arrived. However, the clapping seems more like an insult to us….like we have been lollygagging about the airport and finally decided to come work your flight. Egads! Honestly, we much prefer having to take the crew van and schlep our bags up the spiked staircase than encounter clapping passengers.

Please say, “Hello” to your crew when you board the airplane. At least please say, “Hello” to me. Yessiree. I completely understand passengers are preoccupied, at times disoriented, quite possibly distraught when they step on board the aircraft. However, when we make eye contact as you cross the threshold and I say, “Hello” please don’t give me…or any Skytress or Skyter the silent treatment. I admit. This lack of response gets under my skin. Heck. I’ll even say, “Hello” louder just to make sure the passenger hears me. Silly, I know. Ron was well aware of this personal pet peeve of mine. When I was flying with Ron and passengers would ignore my greeting, Ron would turn to me and say, “Hello” just to make me laugh. Of course, it always worked.

For Pete’s sake don’t be the passenger that comes on the airplane early in the morning and immediately heads to the lavatory to poop. There! I said it on behalf of Skytresses and Skyters everywhere! I’ll admit. We have all been there when our bodies have failed us miserably at the worst time. Especially while on the airplane. Well, except for one Skyter who was adamant that he would never poo on the airplane no matter what. No. I’m referring to the passenger who has his…yes, I said HIS…because let’s be real here…it is usually a male passenger…has his airplane pooping routine. This passenger unabashedly boards the airplane first. Then promptly proceeds to the back lavatory to poop. Yessiree. They are professional passenger poopers. They turn a perfectly pleasant morning into a sh*# show. While I am on the topic of lavatories, please close the lavatory door after using it. I cannot tell you how many passengers just leave the door wide open after exiting the lavatories. I completely understand how perplexing opening some of the airplane lavatory doors can be for some passengers. Some doors need to be pulled open. Some doors need to be pushed open. Other doors have a doorknob than need to be turned to open the door. The struggle is real. The amusement on your Skytress’ and Skyter’s faces is also real as we watch this all unfold. However, our smiles quickly fade when passengers walk out of the lavatories with no intention of closing the door behind them. Gee wiz. Closing the lavatory doors is the easiest part of the lavatory experience. Don’t leave this simple chore for your crew to do. We are tired of being your doormen and women.

Some of life’s best sleep occurs while on the airplane. An airplane power nap is unlike any other nap. Simply said, it’s glorious. Do not deny another person this restful experience. I beg of you…Do not wake a sleeping seat mate. I promise to bring a drink and snack to them if they wake up. Oh, how I cringe when passengers poke their sleeping traveling companions. Even worse is when they poke a passenger that isn’t their traveling companion. My unscientific research tells me it is usually the person sitting in the middle seat that is the passenger poker. I believe it is their diabolical revenge for having to sit in the middle seat. The passenger poker is typically the same person who blurts out their order when I am obviously asking the person by the window what they would like to drink. Interestingly, they will also shout out their snack preference first, too. Oh, yes. They are the dreaded rhythm busters. Astute passengers can clearly see Skytresses and Skyters have a rhythm to their service. Row rhythm busters are oblivious to this fact. Their rhythm busting causes chaos when it comes to remembering drink and snack orders. When you see your Skytress or Skyter struggling to remember a drink or snack order, you can almost be assured they have recently encountered a rhythm busting passenger. Please don’t be a rhythm buster! Don’t be an airplane knucklehead, either. What is an airplane knucklehead? Well, it’s the passenger in the back of the airplane that jumps out of their seat and grabs their luggage out of the overhead bin before the seatbelt sign is barely extinguished. I admire their enthusiasm. I truly do. However, everyone knows these passenger are going nowhere fast because… THEY ARE IN THE BACK OF THE AIRPLANE! Airplane knuckleheads are also the passengers that tell the pilot it was an awful landing as they deplane. These landing critics could care less about wind shears, a short runway, or a slow taxing aircraft ahead that forced a less than stellar landing. Nope. All they care is that their bums jostled in their seats when we touched down. I usually tell the pilots these passengers should be happy I wasn’t the one landing the airplane. We’d hit the runway so hard everyone’s heads and bums would become one body part.

Another comment that simply baffles Skytresses and Skyters is, “Oh it is?” This is the typical passengers response when we remind them the seatbelt sign is on due to severe turbulence. Obviously, the passenger’s first clue really should have been when the Captain made a PA asking everyone, including the crew, to take their seats and fasten their seatbelts due to rough air. The second, third and fourth clues should have been when the Skytresses and Skyters continuously repeated the seatbelt PA. The last clue should have been seeing the Skytresses and Skyters sitting on their jumpseats wearing their harnesses. I’ll admit. Usually we roll our eyes and sigh deeply to show our displeasure at these passengers. Of course, since we are professionals, we do this behind the passenger’s back.

I fear I may get some major eye rolls from you, my sweet readers, if I don’t wrap up this blog post. Amazingly, I have barely touched my passenger complaint list. Rest assured. I will return to this topic again. I believe it’s my civic duty to make people aware of Skytress and Skyter passenger complaints. Yessiree. Skytresses and Skyters need to level the playing field. After all, passengers are very vocal with their airline complaints. And they are not shy to voice these complaints directly to our faces either. Which I might add…is high on our list of….passenger complaints!