The Rerouted Skytress

Some of the best memories I have of flying occurred during the holidays when I was a new Skytress. I know I told you all about flying with my dear friend, Jennie Lou, at Christmastime. Those memories, along with the memories of my first Christmas flying when my crew joined our friends and family on Christmas Eve, are priceless. I’m not going to lie though. Some of my most favorite holiday memories are the memories of flying when the airplanes were empty on Christmas Day. Okay. I lied. The airplanes weren’t completely empty. No siree bob. Usually on our flights we had airline employees and their families trying to get to their Christmas destinations. Occasionally, a crew member would have their family tagging along on our trip. Of course, everyone was in a festive mood. Heck. Most of the airplane seats were still empty. It was as if we were working a Christmas charter flight. A charter flight for friends and family. No employee or family member was left behind. Yessiree. The stress of flying on stand-by status was completely absent. I cherish these memories even more now that our airplanes are filled with holiday travelers. Ah, yes. The holiday traveler who travels on Christmas. Bah humbug to the airline executive who decided passengers flying on the holiday would be a marvelous thing. I’ll admit. It was a great financial decision for our airline. However, it wasn’t such a great decision for those of us actually working on the holiday. Yessiree. Bah humbug! I remember the year working on Christmas Day changed. Our airline decided they would discount the airfares on Christmas Day to entice people to fly. Boy, did they! People came out in droves. Our passengers couldn’t get enough of the holiday fares. Ho. Ho. Ho. Holiday fares. That’s not what we called them. No siree bob. We called them the Taco Bell fares. Now, everyone knows too much of Taco Bell isn’t always a good thing. Well, the same could be said for the Taco Bell airfares. The airline employees working on Christmas Day discovered this fact rather quickly. Yessiree. An excess of Taco Bell airfares on one day was definitely a hard thing to digest.

Taco Bell once had an ad campaign advertising a person could buy an inexpensive meal for the very low price of either 39 or 49 cents. If you were feeling famished you could splurge on the 59 cent meal. The Taco Bell commercials and print advertisements were everywhere. People who weren’t particularly a fan of Taco Bell, were definitely fans of the 39, 49 and 59 cent meals. In the past, our passenger weren’t particularly fans of our Christmas Day airfares. The fares were typically the same price as the airfares the days prior to and after the holiday. However, that all changed with the Taco Bell airline airfares. A few days prior to Christmas, our airline decided to offer the deeply discounted Christmas Day airfares. Just like Taco Bell, our airline offered several options for our passengers to choose from to satisfy their flying appetites. To say I was flabbergasted when I arrived at the airport that Christmas Day, would be an understatement. Ho. Ho. Ho-ly moly. I was in Santa Shock! The airport was as busy as the North Pole is just before Santa gets airborne. I was still in Santa Shock when my crew and I walked up to our gate. Our gate agent could see the disbelief on all our faces. Before anyone of us could say anything, he whispered to us, “Welcome to to Taco Bell. We can send you anywhere for 39, 49, or 59 dollars. Just pick a fare.” Well, it seemed everyone in the gatehouse had picked a Taco Bell Fare. Sadly my dear readers, Christmas Day flying hasn’t been the same ever since. Bah humbug!

If the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge had conspired together that Christmas, I wouldn’t have been surprised. Passengers were beyond Christmas crabby. Amazingly, each passenger figured they would be the only smart travelers taking advantage of the Taco Bell airfares. Ho. Ho. Ho. Just like us, they figured no one would be flying on Christmas Day. Scrooge and the Grinch would have been elated. The holiday spirit was gone. Yessiree. Our merry, festive Christmas Day passengers were replaced by irritated and agitated Christmas Day passengers. People who normally slept in on Christmas morning were now trying to sleep on a crowded airplane. People who normally spent Christmas morning opening up Christmas gifts were now schlepping their gifts across the country to open them up later that day. I saw more family squabbles that day than I had ever seen flying. Sadly, most people had forgotten it was the day our Savior, Jesus Christ, was born. Yessiree. They were more concerned about finding a place for their roller blade boxes than they were about it being Jesus’ birthday. Roller blade boxes!!! Bah humbug.

Ho. Ho. Ho-ly moly. That Christmas was the year everyone either gifted or received roller blades. The awkwardly, oversized roller blade boxes came down the aisle in waves. Tidal waves. Grandma may have gotten run over by a reindeer. But, that was nothing compared to being run over on multiple flights by irritated passengers carrying roller blade boxes. I make no bones about it. It stink, stank, stunk. My fellow Skytresses and I worked our Christmas magic trying to get all the boxes to fit in the overhead bins. Heck. Santa had barely returned to the North Pole. We weren’t going to be the first people on Santa’s naughty list for the coming year. Inevitably though, as soon as we secured everyone’s boxes in the overhead bins, a late arriving passenger would board the plane toting another roller blade box. The Taco Bell fare traveler could sense our disappointment at seeing yet another big box. Not wanting to get on our Skytress naughty list, they would sheepishly try to fit their box underneath their seat. I’ll admit. We Skytresses got a little Christmas merriment standing over them watching them struggle with their oversized box. If only we could have said, “We double-dog dare you to make it fit”, we could have made extra holiday pay that Christmas. Unlike the Grinch who’s heart grew three sizes on Christmas Day, our Skytress hearts were already ginormous. Thus, we would fling open overhead bins like we were flinging open window shutters on Christmas Eve. Just like Santa in “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas”, we spoke not a word, but went straight to our work. We would feverishly rearrange luggage in overhead bins. Ultimately we would give each other a nod. Then low and behold the roller blade box would rise into a secure spot like Santa rising up the chimney. I’ve always said Skytresses and Skyters have special powers. That Christmas our special power was getting every roller blade box stowed on the airplane. Hark, the herald angels sang, “Glory to the Skytresses on the Taco Bell airfare plane”.

The following year those of us working on Christmas were prepared for the onslaught of the Christmas Day travelers. Ho. Ho. Ho. Yessiree. We were now veterans of the Taco Bell airfares. Thankfully, many of our passengers were no longer Taco Bell airfare novices, either. They knew our planes would be full. They anticipated long wait lines at security and and the airport restaurants. Happily, there were fewer Scrooge and Grinch-like passengers. Truth be known, my Christmas Day Skytress attitude was much improved the following year, too. I didn’t have a severe case of Santa Shock. No siree bob. I took it all in stride. Even though we still had the Taco Bell fares, people seemed genuinely happy. Dare I say it. Their Christmas spirit was a gift to us all. The biggest gift, however, was the gift that was missing. Gratefully, the year of the roller blade gift was long behind us. There was Peace on Earth….and at 35,000 feet.