The Rerouted Skytress

Did you know there is an airplane curse? Yessiree. It’s the curse of the light-passenger load. I know my fellow Skytresses and Skyters are shaking their heads in agreement. So what is the curse? Well, the curse of the light load is this….Skytresses and Skyters will work harder on a light-passenger flight than on a full passenger flight. It is a phenomenon that has been around as long as there have been passengers. Passengers will ring their call buttons a thousand times more on a light flight than a full flight. If they don’t touch their call buttons, they happily grab our arms or poke us as we are walking up and down the aisle. On light flights passengers aren’t trapped in their row. Thus, they freely walk to the forward and aft galleys in search of….well,…in search of anything that tickles their fancy. More often though, they are searching for the weakest link. The weakest link is the Skytress or Skyter they feel will be more accommodating to their whimsical needs. We have all been the weakest link on our flights. Interestingly, the weakest link can change multiple times during a flight. Yessiree. Oh, how I curse, the curse of the light-passenger load flight!

The other day when we were heading to Portland, Oregon we had a light passenger load. You guessed it. The conditions were ideal for the light-passenger load curse. Amazingly, the woman passenger sitting in row 12 single-handedly brought the curse to life. Egads!

Seasoned Skytresses and Skyters will shake their heads in agreement that passengers traveling to certain cities have a reputation. Portland passengers have a reputation of being,….how shall I say this gently?…they are quite often very odd passengers. This particular flight, the married couple in row 12 was definitely odd. The couple had booked their seats so the husband could sit next to the window and the wife could sit on the aisle. Neither one wanted the dreaded middle seat. Unfortunately for the woman that was sitting in the dreaded middle seat, the married couple argued over her head from the moment she sat down. Thankfully, since were weren’t full, we were able to re-seat the woman. In hindsight, this could have been the couple’s nefarious plan. The couple relished the extra space. Especially the wife sitting on the aisle. The wife obviously knew she could now easily raise her arm to ring her call button or wave us down in the aisle. She could, also, leave her seat multiple times without disturbing anyone sitting next to her. Astonishingly, the wife happily did all of these things the entire flight. Heck. If her seat had been a revolving door, it would have spun constantly for three hours from her continuous movement. I personally felt the aircraft temperature drop four degrees just from the wind she created frantically waving me down to get a headset. The fact I was standing right next to her seat while she was wildly flailing her arms about didn’t seem to phase her in the least. I’ll admit. It didn’t phase me either. In my head I reminded myself we were heading to Portland. Heck. I wasn’t phased either when she asked for three headsets. One for her husband. Two for her.

I chuckled a few minutes later when Skytress Sharan came back to the galley and informed me of the woman’s latest antics. Skytress Sharan said the woman gleefully grabbed eight snacks from the Comfort Plus basket. Now, the snacks in the basket are boarded to serve five rows of passengers….only if each passenger takes one, possibly two snacks each. The woman in 12C wasn’t concerned about this fact. Not one bit.

During the first beverage service the woman in 12C asked for two cans of Bloody Mary Mix…Two cups of water…A coffee with eight creamers…. Two Woodfords for herself…..And two Woodfords for her husband. Only she called them “Woodburns”. She, also, took one of each of our complimentary snacks…..Sun Chips, almonds, a Biscoff cookie and a lemon coconut energy bar. Incredibly,….or maybe not incredibly,….before we finished serving the rest of the cabin, the woman rang her call button. She wanted two more cups of water. I’ll admit. The woman in 12C was the topic of our conversation when we arrived back in the galley.

When it was time to conduct our coffee service, I told Skytress Sharan and Skytress Pam that I would take the tray of coffees out for the passengers. As I walked up the aisle, I prepared myself for the interaction with row 12. I turned towards the couple and asked them if they would like any coffee. The husband completely ignored me. The wife enthusiastically said yes. I then asked her if she needed any cream or sugar for her coffee. I expected her reply to be eight creamers like she had requested with her coffee earlier. However, my body language must have signaled to the woman I wasn’t the weakest link on the crew. By golly, I had her number! At that moment I couldn’t easily be taken advantage of. The woman hesitated. I tilted my head towards the creamers and looked the woman squarely in her eyes. My hand hovered over the cup of creamers impatiently waiting for her reply. Instead of asking for eight creamers, the woman reluctantly asked me for six creamers. I’ll admit. It was a small personal victory for me.

The woman in 12C quickly recovered from the coffee creamer defeat. Yessiree. She asked Skytress Sharan and Skytress Pam for additional water and two cans of Blood Mary Mix when they walked up the aisle to pick up the trash. Since Skytress Pam and I were busy refilling drink requests from multiple passengers, Skytress Sharan brought the woman her extra beverages. Skytress Sharan returned to the galley moments later. She told us the woman immediately put the cans of Bloody Mary Mix in her bag when she handed it to her. I’d like to say Skytress Pam and I were flabbergasted….but, were weren’t. A short time later the woman came back to use the lavatory. When she exited the lavatory she asked us for more water and snacks. Several passengers followed her lead when they came out of the lavatories. They, too, asked for more drinks and snacks. Several passengers commented that they didn’t normally ask for more items. However, they recognized it wasn’t a full flight. Thus, they knew we weren’t busy and could easily grant their requests. Yessiree. The curse of the light load was in full swing.

Our Skyter In-Charge, Meredith, walked to the back galley to check on us and the main cabin passengers. We told him we all had been spinning on our heels taking care of multiple passenger request the entire flight. We then told him about the woman in row 12. He was well-aware of her. He told us she had walked up to the first-class galley while he was quietly eating his crew meal. He told us he had closed the galley curtains so he could eat his meal out of view from the passengers. The woman in 12C brashly opened the closed curtain and asked him for more “Woodburn”. When Skyter Meredith said, “Woodburn”, we all burst out laughing. “Woodburn” had become our favorite word of the flight. Without skipping a beat, Skyter Meredith mentioned the curse of the light passenger load. We laughed even harder. We all watched the woman in 12C stop Skyter Meredith as he walked back to first class. Moments later he returned to her seat with several small bottles of water. We shook our heads in disbelief. Later in the flight Skyter Meredith returned to the aft galley. Skyter Meredith proudly proclaimed that he was now the weakest link on the crew. He said the woman in 12C knew it….and she was taking full advantage of this fact. As Skyter Meredith was telling us this, we watched the woman leave her seat and head towards the forward galley. We watched her boldly open the galley curtain. Skyter Meredith laughed. He said 12C was looking for the weakest link so she could get some more “Woodburn”. When the woman realized Skyter Meredith wasn’t there, she walked into the forward lavatory. The four of us stood in the middle of the aft galley so we could keep our eyes on the first-class lavatory. Finally, the woman exited the lavatory. She again looked around for Skyter Meredith. Skyter Meredith chuckled. He reiterated that he was truly the weakest link on the crew. Between our laughter, we told him we couldn’t agreed more!

The next two days of flying were uneventful. Well, except for the fact on day two we didn’t keep our originally scheduled aircraft. No siree. We had to switch to an aircraft that was being worked on by maintenance. The mechanics then posted a further maintenance delay on this aircraft. So, we had to switch aircraft once again. Only this time we had to wait. Our new aircraft was still enroute to Seattle. Eventually, we took off for San Francisco an hour and a half later than scheduled. Of course, this all happened on the longest day of our three-day trip. But, after THAT,…the rest of the trip was uneventful. Yessiree. The remainder of our flights were full. The passengers were well aware of this fact, too. It was beautiful. Not one passenger repeatedly rang their call button. Not one passenger grabbed our arms or poked us while we were walking up the aisle to ask us for extra drinks or snacks. Heck. Hardly any passengers leisurely walked to the back of the aircraft to use the lavatories. Nope. They were all trapped in their rows by fellow passengers. The aircraft curse was non-existent! Still, the four of us joked about who was the weakest link on each flight. Randomly, we would ask each other if we had any of that, “Woodburn” for the passenger in row 12. Every time we said “Woodburn” be would smile and laugh. Yessiree. The curse of the light- passenger load may get old…but, “Woodburn” never will.